Totally Tenors!

2009-03-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

wahh. its been so long i kinda forgot how to do this.

hello blog. i havent seen you in 3 months. how have you been.

"ive been dead you moron.
cus you dont post!!"

...well i guess i deserve that.

so the first terms gone by pretty fast. honestly i guess things just seem long and tideous when youre stuck smack in the middle of them but after theyre over you look back and think 'what happened to all that time'

how time flies huh.

so...what did happen with all that time.

school
training
sleep

what kinda life do i lead =(

so...school.

real late to be posting about this...but i kinda realised im already sec 4 O.o and somehow id have thought there wouldnt be that much work. i thought maybe just after sec 3 and concamp id get great motivation to sorta study harder. but that aint coming simply is it.

but just studying cant be the point of school.

i guess having another year with .15s really something to be glad about. i never thought it when i first landed up here but this honestly has been one of the best and definately the most bonded class ive been in. i feel like shaking you guys half the time you say stuff...but its thanks to you all ive had a pretty fun 1 and 1/4 years so far =)

now just gotta actually start studying. and i will after nats

...which comes to training

i really thought at the start of this year that i had no chance and all i joined canoeing for wouldve been a little experience...honestly rowing a C1 and not really even making it 10km in one training...didnt look so good =(

but well...its come so far from that. in a C2 me and andrew actually got our stroke and balance and i guess that goes a long way cus we really improved lots in the past 2 months =) and i probably have him to thank for that cus no way i couldve gotten here if he hadnt pushed despite his injury to do well...so thanks dude.

NJCC didnt go so well cus we missed 3rd by one freaking second!! but well in a week plus well get another shot at it...and we gonna go all the way.

so...sleep.

i like sleep.

sleep is good.
sleep healthy.
when rested
me happy.

i feel so poetic today =)

so in the past months ive spent lots of time focusing of life and what i could do with it. i mean who doesnt want to invest it stuff that benefits yourself...i guess almost everything i do these days i do for some reason or another...whether to make me happy or to gain something out of it.

almost everything.

"not my will, but Yours be done" You cried.

the first term of 2009 has been a real interesting and...educational one. and i can say ive had lots of fun...ive did lots, learnt lots and gained at least something out of that.

...but have i given enough..?

it sucks to admit it...but ive been so caught up with myself lately that ive had little time for other people. id spent hours brooding over my own concerns and the tasks i have to accomplish. and how they implicate me and why me why me. and when others do stuff or say things that id usually laugh at or simply ignore i get pretty fired up cus it pisses me off.

ive been real quick to judge and quick to act rashly. i havent really taken responsibility or behaved the way i should.

and maybe its the stress or the pressure or the expectations i have...but ive been a person that i wouldve looked at awhile ago and disapproved of. and im ashamed of that.

but im most ashamed for the way ive forgotten about God.

everytime i pray its about how i want God to help me and how God should lead my life. and never about others and what God wants me to see in their lives...or what God wants for others.

its never about God.

ive been searching to find something in life i could count on and work on to feel like its worth something. but i guess i already know at the end of the day its God and God alone who holds the answer...and who i should invest my time in. and i guess ive been disillusioned by the concept of making something out of life on my own...that ive forgotten that its Him i should follow. that its not about what i want or what i get...but what Hes planned for me and what i can do for Him. that it wasnt for Himself that He died on that cross...and similarly i should lay my life at His feet for how He may use it, come what may.

not me, but for Jesus.

im so sorry, Lord.

You chose the cross with every breath
The perfect life, the perfect death
You chose the cross
A crown of thorns, You wore for us
and crowned us with eternal life
You chose the cross

And though Your soul was overwhelmed with pain
Obedient to death You overcame

You loosed the cords of sinfulness
and broke the chains of my disgrace
You chose the cross
From the grave, victorious
You rose again, so glorious
You chose the cross

The sorrow that surrounded You was mine
Yet, "not my will but Your's be done", You cried

I'm lost in wonder
I'm lost in love
I'm lost in praise forevermore
Because of Jesus'
unfailing love
I am forgiven, I am restored

Because of Jesus
I am restored

I'm lost in wonder
I'm lost in love
I'm lost in praise forevermore
Because of Jesus'
unfailing love
I am forgiven, I am restored

Lost in Wonder (You Chose the Cross)
Keith Getty
An Evening in Prague

...okay...that aint keith getty and that song aint from that album...but it was the only one i could find on imeem.

either way, its a beautiful song...with a simple but very real message.

Because of Jesus.

2009-01-11T03:31:00.000-08:00

hello blog my old friend. been too long huh?

but its 2 months since i last saw you...and at the insistence of many i must put something up on you.

so the last time i posted was after the exams...seemed like a whole holiday of fun and slacking planned out before me...but then wham!! its a whole new year and im back in school =(

stupid cycle of life...now all that remains are memories

so first holiday training...i skipped like half of them cus i was overseas or busy or otherwise occupied but i gotta say the ones we did attend pretty productive...doesnt really matter now though cus thanks to unfortunate circumstances this year my seasons probably over before its even started =( but dont worry man if youre thinking its your fault...just rest and well give it another shot the next chance we get if you still want...the C2s always here.

this year finally got to help out in actual vbc. pretty fun staying over in church and taking care of the kids and all...its more of a camp that way. and not so tiring cus dont have to run after most of the kids...just yanlins brother...but he was a fun kid =)

JYC or CYC or whatever it was this year was super fun. i got a group that i hardly knew but over the 4 days made lots of new friends =) and even though camp wasnt as massive an event as it was last year still had a great impact on me and really was lots of fun.

went to KL after that like every year...but somehow this year it came as a better chance to rest...maybe after 15 years theres just something about that place that gives me calm =) discovered a new running route that moves around this huge housing estate under a hill...super nice view...and discovered that gyms dont believe im 18 anymore =( still got in though.

went to penang halfway through that trip...stayed in the 'g' hotel with super nice super cheap rooms...and a lounge and bar called the g spot O.o spent most of the time there eating and using hotels gym...but made a few friends and all in all it was lots of fun too =)

so ya honestly the holidays were a great rest and really good time to relax and take a break. wouldnt have hurt if it were longer though...but with stuff like church camps and parties and stayovers and everything it really made last holiday a memorable 2 months =)

now just gotta go through 10 more!!

i have to say though...even though they were fun and all...holiday were still stuffed full with worries.

and thinking about it thats kinda sad...even when im on break i got stuff to worry about!! but then again lifes never worry-free, is it.

is it...?

i guess everyone has insecure moments once in awhile...or more than that. and hard to believe but honestly no one themselves have the answers. no ones born with that rare uncanny ability to analyse and amend issues the rest of us just seem to struggle with unceasingly.

through the holidays the time let me visit different churches...in singapore kl and even in penang. and yet coincidentially they preached the same message, reassuring me that God would comfort me and make things better...and i honestly have to say that i had trouble believing it. after all, isnt it just the words of a pretty much blind optimist to say that problems fix themselves.

but in camp i was prayed for...and one line changed things.

"He has said that He would give nations for you"

troubles and issues i have may seen far beyond me...and honestly they are. and lots of times these challenges arent concluded it the manner id like. but i guess instead of thinking that thats God not answering my prayers...its God doing so in the way that He sees best...and though it may seem unreasonable and stupid at times...He knows better than any of us, and any trust in Him, no matter how unwise it may logically seem, is never unfounded.

He has a plan for you and me...for each and every one of His children...and as a God that truly would give nations for you, what else would He have in store for you that is any less than the best He could want for you?

all He asks for is faith.

God will make a way
When there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

You hold my every moment
Calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
You heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Healer
Hillsong
This Is Our God

He holds our world in His hands...so what have we to fear that things arent going exactly as He's planned?

2008-10-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

oh wow. hello blog...long time no post.

so exams over huh...now that i look back on them seem to have passed really fast. just few weeks ago i was telling myself better start studying and work hard if not its concamp...or get kicked out of ib. or worse.

and suddenly, wham. now its all over and done with.

ahh well...nothing i can do about my grades or anything now, is there. just go for concamp, work hard; by the grace of God maybe this time ill pass and pull through.

and trainings started again...weirdly enough after one month plus...me and Andrew didnt suck, thank God. mr goh drops big big hint too...so looks like its C2 for us huh.

by His grace, may we pull through that too.

so maybe during the exam period, the stress and the pressure gets to me. im pretty sure it got to everyone...maybe others more serious than me, simply because maybe my academics didnt matter so much to me. but under such pressure, i guess the mind reasons with itself that, since its devoting its time an energy to such an ardious task, its only normal that it doesnt overstress our limited human capacity, and therefore proceed to slacken in other demanding aspects of life.

to compensate. and "compensate" i did.

under this pressure maybe i let standards drop for many things. for my training. for the way i acted towards many things, many different people. for myself, and my ideals. for my devotion to God and His covenant.

giving in to vices and compromising what i thought i believed in, only for the sake of simplifying my task of existance, and then questioning that very belief itself, trying to dilute the fact that, in light of my academic demands, i was disregarding far more than i should have even thought of doing. and right now, i cant say that im not ashamed of what ive done.

or what i havent been able to do.

"Simon, do you love me...?"

As he sat next to Him in the glow of the fire that cooked their mid-morning meal, Simon Peter reflected upon Jesus' words. His simple question, that, in the light of the recent events that had shaken the foundation of Jerusalem, Israel and their belief in the Messiah to the core, seemed to hold much greater a weight when Simon thought of his acts during the crucifixion.

"I do not know Him!!"; those words were uttered without barely a thought, the impulse behind them fueled purely by fear, by panic, by selfish desires. Ever since the moment the cock had crowed, Simon had wrestled with his foolish actions, and the consequences that lay in wait. "I...denied Jesus. Denied God and all I've stood for...over the past 4 years in which I've centralized my life around God's work"; the retribution seemed inevitable. Who gets away with lying about an affiliation...with the Almighty Himself? A thousand thoughts must have perturbed his mind since that afternoon on calvary hill...and not a single one entirely related to his reckless actions and how he was now so, so sorry.

And somehow, now, in Jesus' face now Simon saw no trace of that hatred, that anger, that retribution he deserved, but an honest, simple expression...of His love, unwavered since the day he had met Him. And in that, Simon realised the love that Jesus had shown, the love he had been called to show, and the love that his Messiah still continued to show, despite his utmost failure to comply to God's commandments, was not one he could strive for, for by rights no act of relentless faith or selfless worship could hope to atone for his lifetime of ineptitude and sin.

It was a love so great - a love that superceded the boundaries and rights the universe had cast upon man and God, separating them as far as the heavens and the earth. A love that broke the chains of sin...of fear...of guilt that suspended him to his earthly fate. A love that promised a future, given not by rights but by grace.

A love greater than any other.

perhaps never before more than this instant has the weight of the world borne down to heavily upon each and every one of us, as daily we struggle against society and conformity to try to hold on to God's word. and we wonder sometimes...why is it so hard...??

"Brothers and sisters will betray one another and have each other put to death.

Parents will betray their own children, and children will turn against their parents and have them killed.

Everyone will hate you because of me.

But if you remain faithful until the end, you will be saved."

- Matthew 10: 21-22

maybe it was never meant to be easy.

God warns us that in choosing to follow Him, we are pitting ourselves against the rest of society that follows the mainstream of the world, the way of the devil. And in firm belief and

conviction in carrying out His will, we meet with adversity beyond what we ourselves may possibly hope to overcome. but it is with His strength and His grace that we are empowered to last through these ages of turmoil.

on a different note, something that was mentioned on sunday did say something about God's love. its a love unconditional...

...and to Him, a love unnecessary.

as Jesus spoke to Simon Peter, christians are called to be fishers of men. to reach out into society and earn for Christ more followers, more believers, more disciples for His holy cause. let the kingdom of God be glorified - it is the quintessential task of each true christian to devote his or her existance to the expansion of the Lord's kingdom.

and yet, the presence of a following...is irrelevant to the glorification of that kingdom. for His name is not exalted higher just because it has behind it legions of believers; it is as such as it deserves it. but God extends this chance for us to be redeemed, this want of His for us to be brought close to Him, simply because He loves us. and in that love holds the ability to see all of our flaws, and the grace to overlook them entirely and to draw us into His perfect presence.

the one thing we need in life, the one thing we should hold close and rely on entirely, is the promise of God that He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forevermore. and in this promise is the reassurance that Christ will come again...and that all our troubles may be lifted from our shoulders. for He who has overcome this earth has more than the power and the desire to overcome whatever challenge, come what may.

"Simon Peter, do you love me?"

And in the presence of that love, Simon realised, was the promise of God unconditional and everlasting. The words flowed from his lips freely this time.

"Yes Lord, I do!!"

Blessed are those who dwell in Your house
They are ever praising You
Blessed are those whose strength is in You
Whose hearts are set on our God

We will go from strength to strength
Till me see You face to face

Hear our prayer
Oh Lord God almighty
Come bless our land
As we seek You, worship You

For You are holy
For You are holy
For You are holy, Lord

Hear our prayer
Oh Lord God almighty
Come bless our land
As we seek You, worship You

Blessed
Hillsong
Blessed

we seek You, we will worship You, come what may.

Yes Lord, i do!!

2008-09-08T03:06:00.000-07:00

...and from here, you can almost see the light. or is that that oncoming train...?

term 4 week 1. just 2 and a half weeks until finals. and maybe only now its beginning to bear down on me. the fact that despite all ive done in the holidays, there just simply isnt enough time to catch up on everything i told myself id 'do later, cus theres all the time i need and more'. not that ive done much in the holidays besides go for training and play pokemon.

and i gotta stop playing pokemon. its making me antisocial. i cant believe i spent a week at home not talking to people and not even going out to buy dinner just so i could play that stupid game. what have i become.

so maybe it hasnt borne down on me completely either.

pretty fascinating how the closer the finals get, the less productive i seem to become.

they only get closer, and the work only seems to get harder. pretty daunting a task huh.

and yet somehow even though half of me, probably the more rational side, tells myself that its now or never that i pull myself together, smack myself awake and really start working...theres also the other half that feels like just dropping it and letting things go their course. not that i can change them now can i.

...can i...?

"Surrender your heart to God, turn to Him in prayer,

and give up your sins - even those you do in secret.

Then you won't be ashamed;

you will be confident and fearless.

Your troubles will go away like water beneath a bridge,

and your darkest night will be brighter than noon.

You will rest safe and secure,

filled with hope and emptied of worry."

- Job 11:13-18

its really reassuring that as cataclystic a fate that seems to await you, God will always make things better in the end.

theres a catch though.

having faith...having trust in something or someone isnt always easy. more often than not it in itself is a task. its always so easy to find excuses, to point out flaws, and to rather rely on ones on perception and strength to carry yourself through; at least its something you can control.

or something i think i can.

moresoever impossible sometimes is the issue of putting your faith in God. for me it is anyway. after all...if you find it an issue to trust another, how could you bring yourself to trust someone that, despite repeated promises, seems only an intangible observer?

...how could i not?

trusting in God isnt supposed to be easy. or maybe by rights it should be but as far as being human is concerned, being human therefore being flawed, it isnt so easy to give of myself entirely...or perhaps even a portion of myself. but maybe the loss that denying yourself seems to indicate isnt as massive in comparison to what you receive in return.

"all of yourself for all of God"

...just a meagre price to pay, isnt it?

and maybe ultimately its not the sacrifice that tanks us, but the things we seem to want to cling on to, the things we think we cant live without, that truly sucks the life out of us. and if wed only look to Him, wed realise that Hes been there all the time holding the solution in His hands...and just reaching out to us and asking us to take His hand. so what are we waiting for?

...what am i waiting for?

anyway its just a few more weeks and, for better or for worse, everything will be over. and maybe then ill have some time to look at other things ive been pushing aside.

...so tell me mister, where does this train take me...?

2008-09-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

september holidays. i really have abandoned this blog. monthly posts are the only thing keeping this thing alive.

maybe blogging would be much more fun if you could just think a thought and have it written down on here.

then again...that would be real dangerous wouldnt it O.o

nahh...for you. you request then only i blog...if not too lazy.

thanks for being my funky non-wussy friend. make me feel so wussy in contrast -.-

and we acs boys not wussy okayy!! just...sensitive!!

so the one week break kinda signifies only the impending doom that is the finals. which are freaking 4 weeks away.

and lets see...what have i got left to cover...?

art - the entire piece
bio - almost everything
physics- almost everything
history - everything
cmath - almost everything
ihs - everything
langarts - everything
chinese - everything

wahh. future looks pretty bleak huh.

still...i got another month. and if i mug like crazy at the end of the day i might just pull through.

...or fail miserably. but lets not look at that yet shall we.

plus training will stop after this saturday. and while im no huge fan of waking up at 6.30 on a saturday morning to row around a reservoir...or swim around it...its pretty bad timing since me and andrew have just found our strokes and balance.

fudge. when i go back in october i might just forget it all!! O.o

ahh well. no one said this studying thing was easy right. let alone this ib thing. and for the next month its do or die.

wahhh. so scary.

its been almost a week since nong left. and i was gonna post about his departure last week but well...once i got here i just didnt feel like doing it.

so yahhh. ponned school on wednesday to go see Nong off with Ben Ryan and Yap. got to T3 at like 8. sat around in a lounge. went to eat macs. and before we knew it it was time for him to go =(

i guess it never really is easy to say goodbye. there was alot we had to say Nong...but maybe not all of it we could manage at the spur of the moment. and maybe not all of it we can bring ourselves to say. but youre our friend man. and all in all, its not gonna be easy with you away.
still, youve been given an awesome chance to go overseas and sorta restart your academic career. and God knows...i could use that chance too. heh heh. told you your cupboard seemed tempting.

in faith, all we can do now is wait for your return. and we pray that God watch over you...and that in everything you do and every situation you meet he may be there to guide you and keep you safe.

Emmanuel, He is God with us. and we pray that He truly be with you. and that in your times of need you shouldnt hesitate to turn to Him, for His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses...and no problem be too insignificant or to overwheling for Him to handle.
the Lord bless you and keep you, as we wait for your return. come back soon man =) then we can have our funky stayovers again!!

to you man. well at least the chorus...the rest of it kinda doesnt make sense for the situation at hand.

but Dream Theater so cool...how can not post their songs!!

There's a story in your eyes
I can see the hurt behind your smile
For every sign I recognize
Another one escapes me

Let me know what plagues your mind
Let me be the one to know you best
Be the one to hold you up
When you feel like you're sinking

Tell me once again
What's beneath the pain you're feeling?
Don't abandon me
Or think you can't be saved

Summon up your ghosts from me
Rest your tired thoughts upon my hands
Step inside this sacred place
When all your dreams seem broken

Resonate inside this temple
Let me be the one who understands
Be the one to carry you
When you can walk no further

Tell me once again
What's below the surface bleeding
If you've lost your way
I will take you in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far
Through all the may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Oh, when everything is wrong
Oh, when hopelessness surrounds you
Oh, the sun will rise again
The tide you swim against
Will carry you back home, so don't give up
Don't give in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far
Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

I Walk Beside You
Dream Theater
Octavarium

love that key change. pretty dramatic.

haha..this is pretty ironic...but Nong, YOULL NEVER WALK ALONE.

leaving on a jetplane
dont know when ill be back again

2008-08-14T01:27:00.000-07:00

i never thought id really land myself in so much trouble.

i guess what they say is right. if you live life with no consequences it doesnt show at first...but once it piles up and comes crashing down on you youre left with no room to breathe. no space to move.

the repercussions of my actions really have caught up to me. and i guess there isnt really much i cant do to reverse them.

there really isnt anything i can do at all at this point. except work hard to change it for the better.

i was given a chance at the start of this year for a life in difference. a chance to make something out of my future and do well. to succeed. to seize the day and plot a course for myself in the future. and to whoever else it may concern. people told me that it was a great chance...and that, having it despite the seemingly impossible circumstances, i should treasure it.

i never was a good listener.

in the beginning pushing aside every little issue felt like a sure-fire way to keep my mind unoccupied. sure, i could always deal with it later. a little bit here, a little bit there; it wasnt gonna affect me much.

and somewhere along that line it set in.

i didnt actually ever get round to completing those tasks id set before me. so much left undone, so much more to come. and those just piled up too. and maybe i go used to it...maybe my mind just blanked it out. i countered my conscience with those issues with others. other achievements in other fields that i could use to validate my worthfulness, my effort in a matter which carried some weight.

assignment after assignment, even those that really counted, i just disregarded. there was always next time that id do better...always next time that id try harder.

always next time that id feel purposeful.

and now i feel anything but that.

"do your best and God will do the rest"

i always counted on that. that no matter how screwed up the situation, God would eventually come in and make things better. that Hed give me that extra push to help me do well...and excel. and Hed be there to assure me that i shouldnt ever give up...cus things would always work out in the end. and definitely, Hes there to do that and so much more.

...but i never really gave my best, did i?

ive let my parents down. myself down...although i probably willingly let that happen.

and ive let God down.

well...theres nothing more i can do left than work hard now, right? and pray that after my year end results are taken in consideration, that ill clear next year. because i dont have another option than to give it all i got now.

and if i dont clear...this is gonna be a huge learning experience for me.

and to seek His forgiveness. and blessing once more. for these next 2 months...things are gonna have to change.

I am falling to my knees
I need You, Lord, to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is crying out Your name

2008-07-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!!

im so nice. remembering the birthday which i just found out about today.

dude yeahhh its your birthday. smile =)

i guess pressure does pile up. and goodness knows youve probably experienced more of it than most people. like...Nong...Ben...and me. and i know saying dont worry doesnt do anything to eradicate your worries...cus contrary to what people believe i believe...problems dont just disappear if you dont make an issue out of them.

and in times like these...i guess its only stereotypical that one is called to put his faith in God; a trust/faith-issue way easier said than done.

God is omnipresent. and yet at times our lives seem so choked up with other issues that His grace seems clouded. at times his presence seems so farfrom us. and we look to Him and wonder at times...why He doesnt just take us away from our struggles and hardships, and allow us to lead an unperturbed life of worship and service to Him.

maybe...thats cus hes not there to do that.

over bountiful chapels and sermons, a consistent message is preached that God is our saviour, our redeemer, our single hope in this world of chaos. and irrefutably, He is all that and more. and yet being Christian and trusting in Him by no means buys us an all-encompassing get-out-of-jail-free card for every undesirable occurance life throws our way. God is there not to simply offer His immediate assistance in whatever issue we have to face...for if He did where would we draw our life lessons from. where would we learn to pull ourselves from the rubble.

God is there not to push us forward unconditionally, but to reach out His hand...and beckon us to take it in faith. faith not that everything will become peachy at once, but that in Him, we will find greater strength to face the challenges we find so indominable, so unconquerable, so indiminishable by ourselves.

God is there to be our hope.

alone there is so much in life that threatens to bury us deep under issue after insustainable issue. but in God, there is that renewed vigour that pushes us forward regardless of however impossible the task ahead may seem.

for when God is with you, who can be against you...?

Your grace is enough
More than I need
At Your word I will believe
I wait for You
Draw near again
Let Your Spirit make me new

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of Your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By Your Spirit, I am free

And I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

This Is Our God
Hillsong
This Is Our God

turn your eyes upon Jesus. nothing is too vast for Him to overcome.

2008-07-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

term 3 week 4. i am lazy.

see now i blog like once a month. minus all those small small random posts. this things gonna die if i dont make a better effort.

so school again. after all this time its sunk in pretty well again.

fudge. i guess this term im really gonna have to push harder. to at least pass. or hopefully better.

or its con-camp at year end O.o

the past weeks been pretty fun.

model UN.

which basically meant like no lessons. how cool is that. come to school and sit in a hall and argue about stuff that really isnt gonna affect you at all. no repercussions on your grades...nothing.

...unless it had. which would mean me and John are pretty much screwed now.

interschool nats on friday.

got there at like 7.30. and there was no one around except those people with events that early. watched a couple races. its pretty awesome seeing your teammates tear down the lanes. kinda like you can almost feel them reaching for that goal. and that your cheers do drive them further.

stuck through without lunch. i cant remember the last time i actually skipped a meal like that.

so after all...we got 2 golds...and one silver for Cdiv. missing the gold by ONE POINT =(

ahhh well. theres always next year.

Mr Ismael handed out these cards before we left that day. got nice one with sunflowers on it. and it said...

"Each day is a gift...so full of opportunities.
Live each day to the fullest, make it the best day in your life.
Turn your vision and dreams into action and do not forget
to enjoy the journey."
"Seize the day"

pretty motivating.

went for MGs drama night with Joseph John Aaron Justin and JTang. the play was like 3 hours long. never did i think a school production would last that long.

mustve been lots of hard work.

anyway it was pretty good. plot kinda felt like it came out of an enid blyton book. but it was good. nice twist at the end too.

met Rebecca after. was kinda nice to see her again.

youth emphasis sunday.

did worship for 8.30 and 10.30. first time ever i lead in the sanctuary. and yet it somehow felt okayy. i guess somewhere along the line i got used to performing.

went to Evans house after second service. slept, swam, went back for ushering for 5pm service.

learnt never to wear any of my dads shirts ever again. not until i grow like 10cm at least.

discovered that pastors...preach the same sermon again and again. i wonder if in their homes they have like some file where they store manucripts of each sermon.

the Jesus files.

so anyway the sermon on sunday kinda made me think a little.

and after hearing it like 3 times...its inevitable that you ponder about it somewhat.

the story of the prodigal son is one thats told mostly from the point of view of the son that left. who physically departed from the care of his father and his household, to squander his share of inheritance. who came crawling back after he realised he had nothing else to go on with. who was welcomed with open arms by his father, despite all he had done by leaving and throwing away his fathers hard-earned cash.

and yet the message on sunday called us to look at his brother. pretty much looking at the parable from a very obscure view. the dude never left home. he never let his father down by throwing away his inheritance. he stuck around and obediently worked for his dad.

but still, the prodigal he may be. for he didnt accept the love his father showed for his brother, who he felt was below him because of the crimes he committed.

love.

"love is kind and patient,
never jealous, boastful, proud or rude.
love isn't selfish or quick tempered.
it doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do.
love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful and trusting."

1 Corinthians, 13: 4-7

perhaps what he didnt get was the love that his father showed his brother, that returned for forgiveness. and what he failed to do was to show the same love to him, rejoicing with him, instead of bearing a grudge for what he deemed to be unworthy treatment of him.

perhaps he failed to see his father reach out to him to celebrate with the family, choosing to brood and to be displeased.

jealousy. its a bitter pill. but often only to those to take it into their system.

God gave his love unconditionally. and all He asks in return is that we, too, share the same love with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

for love was never meant to be a solitary affair.

2008-07-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

It ain't no fun lying down to sleep
And there ain't no secrets left for me to keep
I wish the stars up in the sky
Would all just call in sick
And the clouds would take the moon out
On some one-way trip

I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend
But somehow they drove me back here once again
To the place I lost at love
And the place I lost my soul
I wish I'd just burn down this place that we called home

It would all have been so easy
If you'd only made me cry
And told me how you're leaving me
To some organ grinder's lullaby

It's hard, so hard
It's tearing out my heart
It's hard
Letting you go

Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
And the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to
Well me, these days I just miss you
It's the nights that I go insane
Unless you're coming back for me
That's one thing I know that won't change

It's hard, so hard
It's tearing out my heart
It's hard
Letting you go

Now some tarot card shark said I'll draw you a heart
And we'll find you somebody else new
But I've made my last trip to those carnival lips
When I bet all that I had on you

It's hard, it's hard
It's hard, so hard
It's hard
Letting you go

It's hard, so hard
It's tearing out my heart
But it's hard
Letting you go

It's been four thousand nights
two hundred days
How close every word
That you blew away

It's hard
Letting you go

(It's Hard) Letting You Go
Bon Jovi
These Days

another one of those songs where the wordless parts make the most sense.

its hard. but one day ill get it. and get over it.

maybe i will.
maybe i already have.

2008-07-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

okayy if i put a video up here the players gonna cover my tagboard. and my imeem song player so the song cant be paused. which then kinda defeats the purpose of putting up a video.

so heres the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfWgpFYWJiI&feature=related

Evan Chan, people.

one day to outtap Myung, outpick Wooten and outsweep Sheehan.

2008-06-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

week 4 of the holidays. im getting lazy.

its pretty tragic how just a little more than a month ago we all heaved a huge sigh of relief and stuffed out textbooks away.

...or burnt them.

and in less than 5 days its all coming back. the pressure. the torment. the stress. the eerie feeling that, confined within the walls of the institution youre enrolled in, anything can happen. and all you can do is watch your back.

...i dont wanna go back to school!!!!

fudge.

well every end comes after a long hard struggle. and every struggle starts with a beginning. and that beginning starts after sunday. scary huh.

well not really. cus not having done anything academically-involved yet this holidays...im pretty much done for already.

so church camp. it was a pretty great experience. looking back at it now i kinda miss it. like the whole idea of sitting on a chair on a beach facing a sea which, unlike those in singapore, actually has a horizon.

cus in such peace there is clarity.

...lots and lots of sandflies too, but clarity.

and coming to think of it. all our lives its like were running this huge long marathon. like from day one were pushed towards a single destiny...achievement. to excel. to outweigh. and daily we push forward, running through our 24 hours each day with a regime crafted out to help us, step by step, attain new skills, new positions, new credibility.

new identities.

maybe not so in other societies where a laid-back lifestyle is adopted without so much of social disapproval, but in singapore what is expected of everyone, not only the youth, is the never-ending strive for success. perseverance and ambition. to keep a goal in mind and push everything to achieve it.

and im not saying that such ambition is unfounded. for, perhaps, in a young, blossoming society such as this, the need to stay ahead of our peers and competitors is far greater than that of a country that has established itself in world history for centuries. millenia, perhaps. and having a goal in ones life that one can reach toward is irrefutably one of the essential ingredients for a meaningful life. comforting, it may be too, at times, to have something to look forward to in the course of the otherwise mundane existance we lead. the best is yet to be =)

and yet...success is not everything.

far from it, actually.

pastor Philip shared something on the 3rd night. and amongst many other points he raised, none being less important and significant that the previous, one really stuck out.

'in all we do, we either do them by purpose...or by grace'

...or something like that. yeahhhh.

and it really spoke to me. really, in the course of life, its not Gods desire for each and every one of us to excel and overachieve. sure, we are to strive for His greatness and His plan in our lives...but He knows that, imperfect we are in nature, we cannot hope to be flawless in what we do.

and thus, He calls us to live by grace.

for by His grace, we feel not the need to stand above others, lifted up what we have done, but to soar in His name with our brothers and sisters in Christ...on wings like eagles.

God calls us not to dedicate our existance to every task that is placed before us, and every issue we are to attend to...for undertaking everything assigned to us simply is a weight to surmountable for us to bear. instead, He calls us to dedicate our lives to Him, and not to strive for worldly success.

For our portion is Him
And we are more than blessed

thinking about it...it gives light to the phrase 'i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. being Christian doesnt make us invincible. faith in Jesus bring about its own set of issues and challenges. but God doesnt call us to push through all of them on our own. for some of the struggles we face themselves are brought about by mans ineccesant desire for success.

to live by grace...and do our best. and let God do the rest.

anyway...camp was a great experience. as most june camps are. lots of free time. too bad little people came to share it with me =(.

sooo...i spent time in the gym =)

the guoman hotel gyms really like a workout corner. 3 separate glass huts containing cardio machines, assisting weight machines and free weights respectively. it was pretty awesome cus i was like the only person in the gym. aside from Glen.

and it seems kinda sad that i spent a vacation...gymming. but i got quite alot done.

now 2.4s 9:35. just 1 min 5 seconds left to shave off.

aside from that, it was kinda just a nice 4 days to make new friends...and get to know old ones better.

ohhh i watched this show on the second night there. at least a little of it.

its called Elizabethtown. its pretty cool. first thing i saw when i watched it was these 2 dudes in bathrobes hugging. and one of them was Orlando Bloom. thats pretty much enough to get me hooked.

its one of those shows with its own culture. and its real addictive.

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries
I don't want to tell her
that I love her more than life
more than life

2008-06-15T02:53:00.000-07:00

church camp 11th-14th. kinda passed real fast.

it was kinda quiet. cus it was like 1/3 the size of the 06 one. but i guess in a smaller setting God still worked His ways. and maybe in that smaller setting it seemed easier to see Him and be with Him more intimately.

and those acoustic worship sessions really had a different kind of impact.

i dont wanna ruin it...so ill post about it some other time. but a song really said something to me.

Let now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of God
That raised Christ from the dead
Let now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him
And I'm more than blessed

Let now Your church shine as Your bride
That You saw in Your heart
As You offered up Your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed
Those adopted as Your own

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all
For Your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king

We love You, Lord
We worship You
You are our God
You alone are good
You asked Your son
To carry this
The heavy cross
Our weight of sin

So I love You, Lord
I worship You
Hope which was lost
Now stands renewed
I give my life
To honour this
The love of Christ
The Saviour King

Saviour King
Hillsong
Saviour King

He is our portion, more than ever enough for us. and for that truth, we offer all we have in His service.

there is nothing like His love.

2008-05-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

holidays week one. i think im getting lazy.

went to watch Indiana Jones on saturday with Joseph Barn JKoh and Winston. the plot was funky. way funkier than his first 3 shows. but somehow it being an Indy movie kinda remedied all of that. and it was essentially really good.

went home, forced myself to sleep, then went for hillsongs.

got there late so the place was packed and we had to like squeeze infront. met Bryan and Junyi and lots and lots of other people. like lots. halfway through the concert Winston had this crazy idea of lifting people like high above the crowd.

i love crazy ideas. if not destructive they usually end up fun. and sometimes destructive and fun go hand in hand.

lifted me then Lawrence then Joseph then Bryan then Junyi then JKoh then Barnabas then Winston. tried to lift Ben. couldnt lift Ben. dude you gotta let us at least try.

altar call and Winston went up. im proud of you man. God will always be waiting for you if you find yourself ready to turn to Him one day.

so the Hillsong United band was great. technically, yeahhh. but it seemed like there was something more to just music. just great, perfectly orchestrated melodies. there was something to believe in that night. and maybe there wasnt a huge spiritual revelation or a revival or anything...but that faith just made that night special.

took class photos with Junyi and ex 2.7 people and then went with John for movie night.

got there and met Evan Darius Vanessa and Yanlin. I Am Legend ended. totally devastating cus it was like the movie i really wanted to watch. Will Smith is seriously cool. went to watch guitar hero. drank coffee. watched Stardust. not so exciting after you know the endings kinda anticlimatic. but still entertaining. drank more coffee. watched hairspray. found out im pretty much coffee-immune near the end of the show cus i was like still barely staying awake but my eyes couldnt open anymore. kinda freaky.

fell asleep. the ROL was dead cold. woke up at like 5 and i couldnt move my foot. at all. it was like totally non functional. kicked it and didnt feel anything.

had i been more awake, i wouldve been really freaked out.

woke up at 7 and found myself behind a curtain onstage. the stage has like real comfy carpeting. didnt really expect to get that 3 hours of sleep so was kinda grateful.

went for breakfast with Vanessa and Yanlin where i didnt eat anything. then went for FL. uncle Jimmy came for movie night but ponned CG time and so did our 3 other CGLs.

played truth or dare with Evan and Yanlin. seriously that game does destroy lives.

ehhh. what comes out in the circle stays in the circle. SERIOUSLY!!

went to Evans house after that. fell asleep on his bed. its real comfy.

training started on monday. and i dont really know why but holiday trainings seem...nicer. happier.

woke up for gym today. then did 2.4. then slept in school for like 5 hours until 2 then went for training at macritchie. then ran. then came home for home gym. 2 days a week of this stuff with normal training and gym on other days and ill get alot done this holidays.

provided i survive it.

i cant believe its already thursday of week one of the holidays. theyre slowly slowly slipping away. terrible feeling. and i still have a pile of every holiday assignment i havent done. which is everything. fudge.

why are holidays so much work.

hmm. today a song which makes me think. Bon Jovi does real well in a song that speaks of a man without God in his life.

I lost all faith in my God, in His religion too
I told the angels they could sing their songs to someone new
I lost all trust in my friends, I watched my heart turn to stone
I thought that I was left to walk this wicked world alone

Tonight I'll dust myself off
Tonight I'll suck my gut in
I'll face the night and I'll pretend
I got something to believe in

And I had lost touch with reason
I watched life criticize the truth
Been waiting for a miracle
I know you have too

Though I know I won't win
I'll take this one on the chin
We'll raise a toast and I'll pretend
I got something to believe in

If I don't believe in Jesus
How can I believe the Pope?
If I don't believe in heroin
How can I believe in dope?
If there's nothing but survival
How can I believe in sin
In a world that gives you nothing
We need something to believe in

I need something to believe in

Something to Believe In
Bon Jovi
These Days

i love how Richie goes heh heh heh heh. when he doesnt do it live its like a big portion of the songs gone.

anyway it kinda depicts a pretty dark scene. and one which parallels sermons ive heard before about a God-shaped hole in ones heart. but a different side of it. cus you can try to walk away from life and turn your back on the world. and try to push aside all your problems and fabricate something that gives you happiness and achievement. but theres always gonna be that God-shaped hole in your heart.

and really in the end all that can fill it is...yes, God. big hint in the name there.

we all need something to believe in. but ultimately, only God's love is worth putting your complete trust in. for it is something that will never disappoint.

2008-05-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

holidays.

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

...actually its not that much of a celebration, considering that 5 days a week are comsumed with training. fishsticks.

ohh well. i just gotta stick it through and ill get alot done by the end of june.

got results back last friday. pretty thrashy. i failed like 4 subjects. and dropped like 2 points. and this time i actually tried hard to study and do well.

thanks Ben and Nong for trying to cheer me up. guess i just gotta really study for next term.

didnt wanna go home after that so i went to stay at Josephs house.

church on sunday. another one of those times when everyone leaves =(. did black magic on Vanessa. so much fun to watch her squirm.

prank called Cheng Liang. so fun to watch him sqiurm.

went to watch Drillbit Taylor on monday with Joseph and Barn. thought it would be one of those kinda thrashy slapstick shows. like Mr Woodcock. yeahhh. but it wasnt all that bad.

Owen Wilson has a funky nose.

hmmm. just a thought today.

you know how afterlife is an eternal thing. like it goes on and on. if you landed in heaven through God's grace its never-ending bliss. and for the rest of eternity youd be praising God and basking in His love.

nothing better, yes?

but if one we're to land oneself in hell...then he or she is doomed for a fate so unthinkable that even the mere notion of it scares the heck out of me. burning in sulphur. continuously. and its not like you wont feel pain; you feel every devastating ounce of it. but you cant die. youre already dead. and the molten sulphur continues to incinerate you. and each second you bear seems to be forever.

but thats actually like forever x forever. cus it doesnt end. ever. the torture just goes on and on and on and on.

for the rest of eternity youll be dying. but youll never get to die.

and thats a fate that each and every one of us rightfully deserves. for leading sinful lifes, unworthy of His holy presense.

real freaky, huh.

but God's love, unconditional and omnipresent, has redeemed us from the fate that was previously inevitable, and set in stone a destiny of hope and freedom. a chance to wipe ones slate clean. to save us from the fiery pits of hell and an eternity of agony.

and all He asks is for us to believe.

sometimes believing in God is no easy task. maybe its the thought of a universal master that people who embrace logic find so unnerving to wrap their minds around. maybe its the apparent thinness of the concept that the God our ancestors have been worshiping for over 2 millenium still stands true to this day. perhaps, even, it may be that a fate so incredibly, redemption from eternal death, seems too good to be true.

after all, by rational thinking, it seems much more feasible that God, Jehovah, and the promised paradise of Heaven is just a fabrication of man to delude himself of the notion that once he dies, thats it. kapoof. your existance fades entirely away into nothingness.

and yet, God calls us to fight against this perversion of the mind that the Devil has sown in our lifes. 'Truly blessed are those that have not seen, and yet believe.' though often there exists no tangible proof of God's presense, He urges us to trust in Him, and His ongoing existance in our world today.

though in our everyday lives it is starkly rare that one comes close into His holiness, God exists through subtle nuances; the beautiful earth that we are so blessed to live in, the love and warmth we experience through our friends and loved ones, the continuing knowledge of mankind that, indeed, there is something more out there beyond the material entities of this world.

all that is good, all that is pure, all that is untainted comes from God. and if one were to open ones eyes, it may be seen that God is everywhere. that God is real, and that His promise of salvation and life everlasting is anything but bogus.

and all that He truly requires of us is...faith.

faith that moves mountains.
faith that parts seas.
faith that challenges the illogical and irrational.
faith that sees beyond the world and its charms.

faith that bridges the impossible gap between God and man.

...is it really that hard just to believe...?

2008-05-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

The sky has lost its colour
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away

I crawl up in a corner
as I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you'll be back
You're coming back

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
I'm not ashamed
I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust clouds settle down

Cause I can't take the distance
I can't take these miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name

I can't take the distance.

The Distance
Evan & Jaron
Evan & Jaron

okayy what im feeling is no where as drama as this. haha. but the idea is there.

its been forever.

2008-05-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

FREEDOM BABY!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!

yeahh. just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. exams are over. and actually until friday when the results come back i dont really care how they turned out. its just that theyre finally done with!!

...good thing. cus i probably failed a huge portion of them.

went with Joseph JKoh and Taisan to watch What Happened in Vegas on friday. super funny stuff. its probably one of the few movies ive watched in awhile where i walk out thinking its good.

training on saturday =) realised i kinda missed it all. 3 weeks away from the water really takes its toll when you get back. and once again the water in macritchie embraces you with open arms.

...and you...uhh...fall right into them.

had lack of c paddles so we were given these small small dragonboat paddles that were interchangeable with Paul and Alex.

went with Joseph and Barn to watch Ironman after that. turned out a pretty good show too. havent seen one like that since spiderman 1. Ironman 2 comes out 2010.

church on sunday. Grace Vanessa and Yanlin suprised me with a box of 12 donuts. thanks you guys =) for being the first people to remember my birthday and for the great present. eating them was just sinful.

...but sooooo good.

went with Grace and Yanlin to watch What Happened in Vegas again. in the cinema without carpets. wasnt as exciting the second time but still cool.

went to sakae sushi for dinner. ever mentioned in love japanese food. got new weights too. thanks mom =) for giving me so much over the years, as you still do now.

my birthday yesterday.

got shavers from the class and they sang a birthday song. haha. appreciate the joke. thanks guys =)

Sien ill get you waxing paper for your birthday.

got birthday tau-poked. when i look back 20 years from now thisll be one of those memories of the good old days etched in my mind.

not so good when Ben jumped on the pile of writhing bodies with me below.

got a necklace from Joseph after training. thanks man =) really means alot to me. i swear ill keep it safe.

thanks people for all the well-wishes and birthday smses. even though my phones smashed and i cant receive any. really made my birthday this year memorable =)

so heres to you people =)

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring
Love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Oh, oh

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed, to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly,
Only fly for freedom
Oh, oh

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
You stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
How your heart, it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

Home
Hard to know what it is, if you never had one
Home
I can't say where it is, but I know I'm going
Home
That's where the heart is

And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on
Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All that you can leave behind
All that you reason
It's only time
And I'll never fill up all I find
All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress-up
All that you've seen
All you create
All that you wreck
All this you can leave behind

Walk On
U2
All That You Can't Leave Behind

no one speaks words like these. but Bono.

for all my friends.

well sorta. its also up here cus its a cool song. and the lyrics dont exactly match what im saying here. fudge.

but well. you guys have always been there for me. through parts of my life...even when ive been less than normally bearable. yeahhh...especially then. and at times i grow to disregard situations like those and overlook them as simple everyday proceedings of life. but i do appreciate your friendship and company. much more dearly than i usually let most of you know. thank you all for everything youve done for me.

youve showed me to walk on.

2008-05-08T04:49:00.000-07:00

we gotta hold on to what we've got
it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
we got each other, and that's alot
for love, we'll give it a shot

hold on, ready or not
you live for the fight when that's all that you got

whoaaaa, we're ALMOST there
woahh oh, Livin' on a Prayer!!
take my hand, we'll make it, I swear
woahh oh, Livin on a Prayer!!

...just one more day!!

and to you sick people who dont take mother tongue. dang you.

2008-05-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

woahhh, we're halfway there!!!!

physics on monday. kinda screwy. but honestly it wasnt a total disaster. and what i was expecting was a TOTAL distaster.

guess some studying paid off.

stayed back with Joseph and Lawrence to study. snagged room in library. nice cushy places. Joseph taught some bio. learnt some bio. other people taught some cmaths. learnt some cmaths.

ran. met Andrew Tai at chinup bar. before then i never really spoke to him. talk about...exercise.

saw the ultimate frisbee people. went to watch them toss around this red acs frisbee. quite entertaining.

cmaths today. saw the paper, knew i was done for.

did like 11 marks for section a. and like 15 marks for section b. so thats 26/100. wonderful.

looked at the last question and just gave up. seriously the working was so depressing i didnt even bother trying it.

gerfuddit. my cmaths marks this term are gonna be even worse than last terms.

bio was okayy. quite good. some studying paid off, at least.

4.5 today. record time =) but i gotta push it harder.

cant wait until the exams are over.

I took my first step on a black and white kitchen floor
Sometimes wonder if that house is even there anymore
I had my first glimpse of love when I was 5
I watched 2 people split apart; but still the 3 of us survived

I seen the best, I've seen the worst
I wouldn't change what I've been through
I touched the sky, I hit the wall
But I did what I had to

My address changed almost every year
I found that standing still can quickly make a lifetime disappear
I'd rather try and fail, a thousand times denied
At least whenever you feel pain it lets you know that you're alive

I've been a fool, I've been afraid
I've been loved, I've been lied to
I've been wrong, I've been right
I stood up when I had to

On my way here, where I am now
I've learnt to fly, I have to want to leave the ground
I've falled hard, but I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
Faith has conquered fear
On my way here

On my way here, no guarantees
I believe that I would find
An open door, an open light
To lead me to the other side

I guess that is why

On my way here, where I am now
I've learnt to fly, I have to want to leave the ground
I've falled hard, but I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
Where I am now
I've learnt to fly, I have to want to leave the ground
I've falled hard, but I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
Faith has conquered fear
On my way here

On My Way Here
Clay Aiken
On My Way Here

love this song. and Clays voice kinda brings me back to sec1. when i listened to nothing but Clay.

Clay when i was happy, Clay when i was sad. Clay when i felt good, Clay when i felt bad. and i guess deep down i still am a Clay fan.

in tradition with other Clay songs, it isnt written by him. yeahhh. its by the OneRepublic dude and theres a version of him singing it too. but somehow Clay makes it his.

liberty. there, but for 2 more days, go i.

and lo, the hills cry 'freedom!!'
here, there and everywhere
times of terror nearly gone
we're livin' on a prayer!!!

Be thou our vision

and let us not despair, for You are with us

2008-05-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

when i bend my right index finger my right middle finger joint hurts.

okayy i blog now cus im bored.

forgot to mention last post. came to school for gym on wednesday morning in pe stuff. after gym, realised i didnt bring my school shirt.

learnt that you actually can get through the day without a school shirt. cus technically they cant book you for that.

spent my labour day gymming. and doing some maths thingy. i dont like maths. and maybe its a really juvenile outlook on what people proclaim to be a quintessential aspect of one's wholistic education...but it seems freaking useless!!

stupid surds. stupid logs. gahh.

first day of exams. i learn its now like a standing joke to ask me anything academic. heh heh. i gotta admit it actually is kinda funny. in a self-derogatory way.

grabbed a few langarts quotes from JTang before the exam. ended up pretty pointless cus i didnt do the passage with them in it.

went to the old LT after the exam to study with .14 people. wrestled. John makes a real noticable 'ha!' sound.

learnt a little of the IHS structure thingy. went for exam. wrote lots of funk.

so in a way i guess the first 2 actual written exams werent that bad. at least i dont feel im done for.

...well not yet anyway.

praise be to God!!

went for some cmaths lesson thingy after school with Joseph. Trevor Chan is super funny. or at least his lessons are with an evil class. hes seriously too nice. like Norman-ish nice except more nice. dang.

2.4 in break.

second half of lesson. actually learnt a few things. like...maths. and also that i need an afternoon nap of around 20 minutes to get through the day. which means its sorta mandatory that i sleep through at least one lesson per day.

ahh well. works for me.

went to the art room to finish my art stuff. Joseph mass coloured my white spaces with light yellow then light green. ehhh...doesnt count as cheating, does it...?

people in the art room are stressed by art. art is super stressing when its a pressing deadline to meet.

lots of people seem to be getting stressed out. and i guess i dont really have much of a right to say anything about it, cus for better or for worse, a vast majority of it being worse, im rarely stressed out.

maybe your troubles manifest themselves in many different forms. maybe as the pressure you face to excel in academia. maybe as a pressing deadline that you have to meet. maybe as a relationship that has gone awry.

but in times of trouble and turbulence, lean not on thy own strength, for the human will alone is insufficient to tide you through your trials.

instead, the Bible teaches us to call on the name of the Lord. for God is there in every circumstance to offer comfort and strength in times of dire need. and no task is too big, that it may be inaccomplishable, nor too small, that He may consider it unworthy, for our God.

in Him, we are strong.
through Him, all things are possible.
on Him, we will rise...on eagle's wings.

Into Your hands
I commit again
With all I am
For You, Lord

You hold my world
In the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours
Forever

I'll walk with You
Wherever You go
Through tears and joy
I'll trust in You

And I will live
In all of Your ways
Your promises
Forever

Jesus, I believe in You
Jesus, I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
With all I am

I will worship
I will worship You

Jesus, I believe in You
Jesus, I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
With all I am

With All I Am
Hillsong
For All You've Done

beautiful song. used to hear it alot back in CM. and still once in awhile when i hear it it just brings me back to those days.

times of child-like faith.

hang in there people...just a week to go!!

God will make a way

where there seems to be no way.

2008-04-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

wooohooo holiday tomorrow. with that in mind the past 3 days just flew by.

went for training on friday. only Leon Ryan Kengjie and Brandon there. felt so out of place. but theres something really nice about a simple quiet training with no one around.

i got quite alot done in 2 hours. so happy.

now theres gym every morning =) and my hands are swollen and stuff but the puss is starting to come out so the chinups didnt hurt so much today.

i swear by year 6 ill do one arm chin-ups.

church on sunday. so quiet cus like everyone either didnt come or went home early. sighh.

had lunch with Evan Zachary and Darius. Zachary eats freaking 3 donuts. thats like sinful. i couldnt resist them.

saw this HUGE snail when running with Joseph and Lawrence before art. seriously it was like grossly huge. almost the size of Josephs shoe. and when we lifted it up it gurgled air bubbles.

SSSSSICKKKKKKKK.

pictures will come up when i get them. its a must see thing.

tried to finish the art piece ive been working on for...uhhh...2 days during art. kinda distracted cus Joseph and fruitips dude kept making voices. but it was worth it. heh heh.

Theodores piece is kickass. and Farlow says its just okayyyy. dang mine has gotta be so much better than it is now if i even wanna pass. Siens was good and he just crumpled it up and redid it. ouchies.

did 2.4 after art. no wonder Zi Ken thinks im crazy. but my average time is around 10 minutes. i MUST get it down to 8.

exams start on friday. Langarts and IHS. strangely im calm.

well not so strange actually. exams have never really stressed me out. but i have to do well this term. or at least considerably better than last term. cus my results are the only things my dad can bug me about.

liberty, there go i if my results > 70%.

ahhh well.

the greatest guitarist ever. or so labelled by rolling stones. but few people refute that. name a 'best vocalist' and people will argue. name the 'top 5 guitarists' and people will argue too. but when you call this dude the best most people just cant help but agree.

and its no wonder. he really is the best.

Anger, he smiles, towering
In shiny metallic purple armor
Green jealousy, envy waits behind him
Her fiery green gown sneers at the grassy ground

Blue are the life giving waters, taken for granted
They quietly understand.
While the once happy turquoise armies lay opposite ready
But wonder why the fight is on

But they're are all
Bold as love
They're all bold as love
Yeah, they're all bold as love
Just ask the axis

My red is so confident, that he flashes
Tokens of war and ribbons of euphoria
Orange is young and full of daring
But very unsteady for the first go around

My Yellow in this case is not so mellow
In fact I'm trying to say,it's frightened like me
And all these emotions of mine keep holding me from
Giving my life to a rainbow like you

But I'm
I'm bold as love
Well I'm bold, bold as love
Hear me talking
I'm bold as love
Just ask the axis
He knows everything

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

Bold as Love
The Jimi Hendrix Experience
Axis: Bold as Love

Jimi Hendrix!!!!

okayyy...i have to admit i dont really like his voice as much as i do most contemporary singers...but it fits the guitar. and dang the guitars good.

RIP. much respect.

John Mayer covered this song. not as good...but i like it too.

no training until after exams. i will spend my labour day in the gym.

2008-04-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

weather like this just promotes depression. and if it wasnt for the .15-induced hyperness i probably wouldve sunk there already.

thank God for the spastic nature of my class.

exams are coming. dang it. a term seems so long but somehow the exams seem to creep up so fast. and by the time you realise it youre a week away...with almost everything unstudied.

...okayy EVERYTHING unstudied.

anyway i have to do well this term. or im really gonna be in big trouble. big big trouble.

and the exam week takes a toll on physical fitness too. morning gyms just chinups. and im not good at chinups. i need to get a bar soon.

and what happened to daily 2.4; weve only done 2 days and just sprinted for the rest.

i feel so unfit. i swear right after the exams workout times gonna go to 4 hours a day. plus alternate day 4.5s.

sighh. without training life seems quieter.

chem lessons are super fun. especially since i dont take them.

mr norman: ...so i got you the answers for the worksheet. okayy class?
class: thank you mr norman!!!
mr norman: ...my name is not norman!!!!

love teachers like those.

just thought of something i really havent let myself deal with until now. probably cus i knew it would be totally depressing. but yeahhh. i dont know if you read this blog anymore...but i just had to say this somewhere.

miss you.

Sister, sister, has it come to this
Are we stangers to each other now?
Sister, tell me what the problem is
And I'll try to make it right somehow
You're the one that used to keep us all together
Now you feel that it is gone forever

Sister, sister, don't avert your eyes
Don't pretend the tears aren't gonna fall
Sister, why you acting so suprised
And don't you believe in me at all?
I know why you be expecting disappointment
But I'm here today to right these wrongs

Help me see I've got you right by my side
Sister of mine
And when you look to me you see you won't be denied
I'll make it right this time.

Trust in me that things will work out fine
Sister

Help me see I've got you right by my side
And when you look to me you see you won't be denied
Trust in me that things will work out just fine
Sister of mine

Sister, Sister
Constantine Maroulis
Constantine

did i say before that thats an awesome album?

its fine no matter what happens. you told me before...and now i promise you we will ALWAYS be friends. cus youre like a sister to me =)

2008-04-21T05:01:00.001-07:00

i hate mondays.

well actually not really. most mondays are pretty slack. just that the 4 days after that arent.

last canoeing session on thursday last week. i discover C-rowing is all in the mind. confidence and center-of-gravity. yeahhh. once you lose one of them youre pretty much done for.

went to watch the Forbidden Kingdom with Ben and Nong after school and 2.4 on friday. typical Jackie Chan show except with Jet Li in it. it was amusing though. and the plot ending wasnt all that bad.

tried to go home after that but i couldnt resist the topman. so Nong bought be a shirt as an early birthday present. thanks Nong =) i owe you a huge present now.

went to Josephs house on saturday. realised i could do 9 chin ups. yeahh baby after only 2 weeks.

went to Matthews house and Barn played through the song again. honestly its turning out really nice...much better than his previous works thats for sure. now it needs a working title.

went to wrestle in the sand pit. hahar that was fun. cut my foot on curb. went back to Josephs house to sleep.

went to church the next day with them. borrowed his shirt cus the shirt i brought looked just like the one he wanted to wear. i felt like a PE teacher.

jammed with Evan in the ROL. did i ever mention Evans super pro. Barn recruits Evan.

went for lunch and we walked home. did the usual 4.5 after that. 22 minutes. one minute slower cus of the stupid cut on my foot. dang it.

got my braces off today. feels so good.

ive felt super bored lately. cus now canoeing trainings been delayed until after exams =( and ive got lots of free time after study.

soooo...i read peoples blog history. and i find its pretty amusing. seriously each individuals life is like a story and youre reading chapter by chapter up to the point which is being written right now. and you get to see past events and how its affected that person. its like watching someones life in episodes.

if thats so i wonder which arc in my life im at right now.

there hasnt been a new song up here for sometime now.

when i first heard their singles i thought Paramore wasnt anything much. but after hearing their live album i gotta admit i was wrong about them.

plus they covered U2s Sunday Bloody Sunday. how can i not respect them

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone
Stay with me
This is what I need, please

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard a sound, a sound of my only hope
This time
I will be listening

Sing us a song
And we'll sing back to you
We could sing our own
But what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats
Beats for only you
This heart, it beats
Beats for only you

This heart, it beats
Beats for only you
My heart is yours
This heart, it beats
Beats for only you
My heart is yours

My heart is yours

My Heart
Paramore
All We Know Is Falling

2008-04-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

saturday night already. dang it.

went to expo after canoeing on thursday. grabbed a cab with a driver that complained about everything the government does. he was friendly though.

met Grace Vanessa and Erika there at the Planetshakers concert. Kenneth Dexter and Ian joined later.

the concert itself was awesome. on a technical level, Planetshakers and Tim Hughes were awesome. but what just went far beyond that was the testimony the speaker shared. of how a simple live concert-recorded cd changed his life forever. and i guess that really said something.

music is a powerful thing; thats undeniable. it has the power to preach, proclaim...and also to penetrate. the speaker...whos name i forgot...had built a strong resilience against christianity all his life...but that one concert altered his view tremendously. and in that same cd brought the song which compelled him to commit his life entirely to Jesus.

and just think...if one cd of true worship could make so much of a difference, what more if Christians all over the world rise up and declare the glory of Jesus?

many churches across the world have worship sessions led by bands with tremendous musical gifts. with singers with 4-octave ranges and soaring vocals. with guitarists and bassists well-versed in the most intricate of sweep-picking, slapping and shredding techniques. with drummers with a truly amazing sense of rhythm and the reflexes to push through the most insane beats. with keyboardists capable of the utmost accuracy and creativity in multiple layers of beautiful harmonics.

and yet, all of this would be wrong without God.

and wrong doesnt really mean that it wouldnt feel right...self-centered worship is, effectively, blasphemy. for the attention and the honour should be God's and God's alone. which is why it is so crucial in the position of the worship leader to practice humility, to give the spotlight to the only one who truly deserves it, Jesus.

and so, i have lots to learn.

gym on friday morning. wish Mr See would let us stay through assembly.

Joseph is turning emo. dont go that way man, its not worth it. and you dont even know what would happen.

dragonboating competition today.

woke up earlier than usual for a saturday. so tragic. walked to the reservoir and the competition site. kinda cool that it was held just outside my house.

got there and it started raining. lots of people brought umbrellas and formed a barricade. i stood behind Jason. that was pretty much shelter enough. saw these 3 girls stand behind Mr Ismael. super funny.

was put in the sec4 boat. heats were pretty close...and we just won by a close margin. semis went better.

finals were seriously cool. Mr Goh decided to coxs our boat. we had a quick prayer. our start was pretty bad and the first boat was like 2 boat lenghts away from us. but then on our long hard we went super fast and we overtook them in the end.

at the last part it was awesome. everyone just started whacking real hard. thats real team spirit.

i guess i really have to be thankful that i was given the opportunity to participate...even though ive only been part of the team for 2 months or so. i guess what i said to Tim Ng did have some truth in it. there really is a nobility in sports. and for sure, in this one. the ACSi canoeing team truly is great...and given this chance to be in it i really have to be grateful.

but dang it i only wished i joined earlier. sighh. well i only can work extra hard for lost time.

got a gold medal =) congratulations to the team...you guys deserve it!!

2008-04-09T05:29:00.000-07:00

whoa. wednesday just comes so fast. its almost miraculous.

went with Joseph Barn and Lawrence with Josephs parents for lunch on friday. its becoming a norm now. cool. just feel kinda guilty that theyre always the ones treating me.

went back to Josephs house for...tuition. yeahhh. when i heard him say that i couldnt believe he was dragging me to his tuition. but it didnt turn out that bad. it was basically like one of those fun periods in school time. and so we did some debate thingy. me and Barn vs Joseph and Lawrence. about co-ed. and we were for co-ed. heh heh.

anyway during the debate Lawrence was like super competitive it was almost funny. and there was this thing he said that was super stupid.

me: being in a co-ed school allows you to mingle socially with the opposite gender and experience relationships. and while that often goes wrong, everyone takes away invaluable life-lessons from their mistakes.

Lawrence: ahhh!! but ive been rejected many many times...and i still dont learn!!!

*stunned silence*

Barn: ...thats cus youre an idiot.

hahahar.

went for FJ's cell group meeting on saturday. nice and cosy place we met in somewhere in Braddell at someones house. played this game about mafia. so fun. then we had a short worship session and some scripture sharing.

and then they had the celebration of their CG's birthday. and i felt pretty bad being there cus i was like a first-timer. but they still gave me a cake and a card and all...pretty heartwarming. now i feel like i must go back.

played pool. got owned.

canoeing on monday. tried the C. i capsized so many times its embarrasing to put it up here. but at least i learnt a little. yeahh.

...and i got a nice gash on the side of my knee.

well a new boat a new stroke and a new challenge. and obviously its gonna be tougher than the one before...but i gotta push through it!!

couldnt go for gym this morning cus my mom sounded really sick. ahh well. time for double effort.

was supposed to do 5 items today but Tim Ng just did the jump and then let the people who didnt take 2.4 run. sighhh. so i ran with them. or jogged. or walked. my walking time is 14 minutes. hahar.

so my napfa is as follows.

2.4 - 10.06
sbj - 213cm

my jumps so depressing. seriously im gonna have to train and train and train that. and my 2.4s okayy...but 7 seconds more and it couldve been like 9 something. and that wouldve looked nicer.

art spent sitting in the hot sun drawing a stupid leaf with Joseph Theodore and Ryan. ended up pretty fun after we all gave up and started playing music. and when Aaron came. and stole my iPod.

did actual 2.4 after that. i gotta get it down to 8 minutes.

seriously life is so mundane. its honestly nothing more than routine now. where is that spark that used to fill existance with something more...funky...?

June holidays please come soon.

2008-04-03T07:48:00.001-07:00

you wanna jam pack 2 hours of studying a day into my life. ON TOP of the time i spend in school each day.

honestly, i only have 4 hours a day at home. at most. and you want me to fill it up with doing something that ive spent the whole day doing already??

has it maybe occured to you that i dont want to be top? that class position and beating the best of the best in academia really isnt my concern?

has it occured to you that maybe theres more to life than just studies and being the model student? honestly, youve tried to do that...and look how you turned out. wowee. you know maybe academia has nothing to do with what i want to be in life.

has it occured to you that maybe i push myself with exercise 2 and a half hours a day on top of everything else BECAUSE of you and other people who dont take me seriously?

because of that time you smashed the side of my cheekbone and i couldnt defend myself against you?

because of that time where i had to submit myself to your will only because you threatened me with bodily harm.

well no more.

2008-03-30T05:09:00.000-07:00

sunday evening comes all too soon.

T2-ed with Andrew last thursday. still like that better...i guess its the basic knowledge that you cant possibly capsize in it that makes you effectively more stable. and because you have no reserves, it only makes going faster easier.

anyway Mr Goh said hed train us on Cs soon. uh oh. but i guess the faster we learn the faster we make mistakes and the faster we get better.

just hope its a C2.

SSO concert on friday. when i walked into the concert hall it was like dejavu. the exact same view i saw way back in sec1. ahhhh. the good days.

but that was basically all i really liked about the concert. yeahhh. they were good though. im just not a classical music person. not classical instrumental anyway.

went for supper with Ben Nong and Joel Yap. walked into a topman shop.

me: omg topmans new line.
nong: yeahh its super nice.
me: nong dont lend me any money for clothes.
nong: okay no money for you.

looks through a set of tees.

me: nong lend me money.
nong: no.

i need to learn financial restraint. seriously. but their new line is sooooo good.

i gotta start saving up.

went for italian stuff. so that made 3 italian meals in 1 day.

national juniors on saturday. got there at 10. saw people and Andrew whod been there since 9. watched Leon and Michael and Eugene race. dang.

met Joseph and the K4 crew at 11. and Barn with the bananas. they owned heats behind the national team. heh heh.

went for lunch with Joseph and Barn and his parents. and Winston. Winston makes crack about the center-parting. decide to cut hair.

came back to the shed and saw everyone sleeping. went to the semi-finals at 3-ish. K4 got 5th. i dunno about what anyone else wouldve said about that race...but i thought it was a pretty great feat.

good job K4!!!!

went for a haircut at Josephs barber. have to admit i like it.

church today. the worship session in the morning did speak to me a little. partially because the songs they played today held memories of experiences. of messages.

everyone went home early =( went with Zachary to watch Rupen play this super super cute PSP game.

honestly...somehow i feel that our churches youth lately havent really been much of a community. and all in all, its really the fault of the youth ourselves. we have great leaders...and cgls who really do care. and over all, a God that cares.

...but do WE really care anymore...?

i see people stop coming for FL. people i know. and its really really quite saddening.

sighh.

went for 4.5 just now. 23 minutes. heh heh.

anyway i played U2s Atomic Bomb. and as always one song strikes me.

The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then
Than I do now

Neon heart dayglo eyes
A city lit by fireflies
They're advertising in the skies
For people like us

Don't look before you laugh
Look ugly in a photograph
Flash bulbs, purple irises
The camera can't see

I've seen you walk unafraid
I've seen you in the clothes you made
Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Time
Won't leave me as I am
But time
Won't take the boy out of this man

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for others steal
Blessings not just for the ones who kneel
Luckily

City of Blinding Lights
U2
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

a rhapsody of love.

and blogger is dead irritating.

2008-03-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

i like wednesday nights. theyre full of hope. like half the weeks already over and all i gotta do is plow through 2 more days.

just as a reflection...i think its kinda saddening that the good friday/easter feeling disappears so fast. not the exuberance of the holiday and all...more like the knowledge that merely a few days ago we remembered Christ's death for all of us. and so fast were turning back to our old lives like the recollection of the crucifixion is just another annual event.

cant we hold on to Him just as He did for us...even when He had absolutely no reason to...?

2008-03-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

good friday. really does good to the student whos been stressed out by school for...uhhh...4 days.

great...first week and im already dying.

just came back from city harvest church with Joshua. nice place. its a big community...yet pretty nice and home-y in its own way. there was this skit...about this dude who created something that let you see back into your past. and the moral implications it had on people. basically a story of how getting all you want in life sometimes overshadows what living is all about. to live in God.

anyway there was this part of the play where the dude travelled back in time and saw Jesus getting crucified. and he was getting whipped and beated and nailed on the cross...and while watching that something i heard from one of pastor Joels sermons flashed through my mind.

that should have been ME.

i guess the crucifixions always been the one aspect of Christianity that really hit home with me. how God could just give himself up for us...people who barely even recognise Him in their daily lives. Jesus allowed himself to be nailed to that cross in place of all of us...and most of the time we take that for granted. or at least i do. everyday i sin and do things i really am not proud of...and every time that happens im driving those nails deeper into His palms.

every time i hear that story being retold i just break down. it really is too much to take.

went for supper with Joshua and his cg. friendly people =) i dunno why but i felt really easy around them.

...and we saw Phee. wooohooo. with Mrs Phee and the Phee kids.

okayy...just a thought today.

since i was small ive always been told that, in commemoration of good friday, it would rain at 3pm...like how the sky went black when Jesus died on the actual day.

but lately for the past few years global warming has kicked in...and for quite awhile i saw no rain. and maybe its real subtle but i guess in a way it stopped making me feel like God was there. like Hed drawn back and the world had won. and today in the morning it was like really sunny and all so id just resigned myself to the fact that it was gonna be a hot good friday. i really didnt even think about it.

and then at 2.30 i heard thunder...and it started raining.

and in a very slight way...it just showed me that Gods still there. and He's ALWAYS there. just that maybe sometimes i dont let myself believe in Him. but even still He never gave up on me. and just like how He let His son be nailed to the cross for my sins...He gave everything for my salvation. and for so long ive just been tossing that aside.

well no more.

I am falling to my knees
I need You, Lord, to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is crying out Your name

I am longing just to see
Your power and Your majesty

Sweet anointing, fill this place
I am found in Your embrace

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Here in Your presence, I am free
Pour down like rain
Come touch me again
Lord, let Your presence fall on me

Sweet anointing
Wash me over
Sweet anointing
Wash me over

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Here in Your presence, I am free
Pour down like rain
Come touch me again
Lord, let Your presence fall on me

Rain Down
Planetshakers

just believe.

let His love rain down.

2008-03-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

totally random but every post ive read todays emo. or semo. or just waaaaay depressing.

seriously, cheer up people!! even though holidays over. sighh.

theyve gone by so fast!!

went to watch Step Up 2 after church last sunday with Grace Vanessa Yan Lin and Evan. it was pretty cool...alot different from the first one. there shouldve been more Channing Tatum though...his dancings seriously cool.

went back to Evans house after that.

canoeing on monday and dragonboating on tuesday. seriously i love dragonboating. a super super super stable boat and all you have to do is whack and whack with everyone else in the spirit of teamwork. and when you get tired you just keep pushing and pushing until you go psycho. and then you start laughing and shouting at yourself and you push harder. its a great feeling.

...a little whacky...but great.

stayed over with Joseph last monday. then canoeing again on thursday. See Teck Hock paid me a compliment =) heh heh. but Andrew still owns me. sighh.

took a T2 with Andrew today. i feel bad for screwing up his direction and making him readjust so often. but i learnt a few things. and that i can paddle harder than him. i think.

anyway the T2s pretty fun. heh heh.

anyway i know im gonna get better. i owe too much to this opportunity not to.

i feel so on about it.

hmmm. music.

Michael Jackson just released Thriller 25. but its basically just Thriller again with some funky remixes. which...dont really do the originals justice...or thats what i feel anyway.

Think about the generations
And say we wanna make it a better place for our children and our children's children
so that they...
They know it's a better world for them.
And think if they can make it a better place

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel there's no hurt or sorrow

There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space
Make a better place

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong, it only cares of joyful giving
If we try, we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread, we stop existing and start living

Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world
Make a better world

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me

And the dream we were conceived in will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify its soul
Though it's plain to see rhis world is heavenly
Be God's glow

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel you are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations turn their swords into plowshares

We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space to make a better place

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me

There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me

You and for me
You and for me

Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children

Heal the World
Michael Jackson
Dangerous

so beautiful a song.

ohhhh. and my 2.4s now 10.21. but i couldnt run my best today cus of that stupid headache. tragic.

i gotta get it to 9 minutes!!

2008-03-08T05:25:00.000-08:00

wooo. holidays.

at last a slight break from the hectic existance i lead daily. and yeahhh...i havent exactly been working extra extra hard this term...but its always good to take a break regardless the situation to reassess your thoughts and find yourself again if necessary.

or maybe just sleep lots more.

went for canoeing on thursday with Andrew and Joseph. i thought Andrew and i could just have fun like the lessons before.

and then See Teck Hock decided to teach us.

it wasnt really vigorous...but we definately learnt alot. and in a twisted, sadistic way, it was pretty fun. like how gym is fun.

anyway, i capsized at the 250m mark and couldnt get back in the canoe. Joseph towed the boat back and i had to swim back to shore. that wasnt fun.

went with Joseph Barn and Lawrence after school on friday to watch 10000BC. its a pretty cool show...better than most shown lately. its a little like Apocalypto...just less freaky and gross and more...PG. and its like super funny when the mammoth starts running and the dudes grab onto the net and get dragged behind. couldnt stop laughing.

heh heh

went back to Josephs house after that for dinner.

went for choir today. it was a total emofest. seriously it was depressing.

i guess i was right when i told myself that the choir community really has changed. or that my spirit towards it has. either way its a different place for me...and im not sure i fit in there anymore.

went home with Ben and Aaron after that. will gym with them on wednesday.

ohhh yeahhh. i got the IB scholarship. wacky huh. i seriously dont think i deserve it...but its gonna help my mom alot. 14k saved. i guess its Gods way of answering our prayers for help =)

so thank you Jesus!!!!

There must be more than this
O breath of God, come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God, we wait for You
Fill us anew, we pray
Fill us anew, we pray

Come like the rushing wind
Clothe us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandoned to Your praise
Lord let Your glory fall
Lord let Your glory fall

Consuming fire, fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God, fall in this place
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way
With us

Stirring up in our hearts, Lord
Stirring up in our hearts, Lord
Stirring up in our hearts
A passion for Your name

Consuming Fire
Hillsong
More Than Life

canoeing on monday tuesday and thursday and choir on friday.

dang it i only have one day of holiday!!!

sigh.

2008-03-03T04:29:00.000-08:00

just a few randomities.

my groups history project is pretty much screwed. especially after seeing Sien's. its so good i feel like crying.

canoeing is pretty fun. bus came late today so had little time so i just spent the lesson paddling around. its just like one of those joyrides.

and capsizing isnt half bad either.

and ohhhhhh thank you Joseph Sim for signing me up for 200m and 4x100relay!! what happened to my 100m??? now i have to run against Joseph Goh. sigh.

if i lose tomorrow then its too bad for CKS.

2008-03-01T23:11:00.000-08:00

its been long since ive seen rain like this.

seriously i think weather really does alot to ones character. rain simply makes me feel depressing. and sleepy. and lazy.

...actually its the same when its sunny just without the depressing.

so term 1s coming to an end. it seemed to drag by but now im at the end of it it seems to have just shot by. pretty much what youd expect from life...i made a few mistakes, learnt a few lessons. and got to know my class a little more.

3.15 is a really different place from what 2.7 used to be for me...but ive come to realise that its just an atmosphere you get used to. change usually is met with resilience...but once you let it in you might find it isnt all that bad. first perceptions are undoubtedly biased. and yet sometimes you really have to admit that you were initially over-judgemental.

God put me in this class for His purposes. maybe i should learn to just follow.

on a totally unrelated note...i feel too skinny today. glad theres canoeing tomorrow.

cool song. never made it as a single though.

I thought it wasn't wrong
To hide from you
Simple truth; I was scared
I felt it all along
But it hurt too much for me to share

Finally understand
Why things have happened
And how it all could go so wrong
Will this pain ever end?
Cus I don't think I can carry on

If only I had been less blind
I'd have someone to hold on to
If only I could change your mind
If only I had known
If only I had you

If only I had you
If only I had you

If only I had been less blind
I'd have someone to hold on to
If only I could have spoke my mind
If only it were true
We could start brand-new
I know I'll make it through
If only I had you

If only I had you

If Only
Hoobastank
Every Man for Himself

I guess some people just cant be friends.

2008-02-27T04:06:00.000-08:00

ahh wednesday. i love wednesdays. means half the weeks over and in 2 days itll be the weekend again.

so tomorrows the last exam. so far my grades have been pretty good...except for...chinese. dang it i really have to actually study next term.

although i dont have one 7 yet. and i need a 70% average to go for the Maroon 5 concert.

canoeings been pretty good so far. although it may just be cus im just starting on the T. but the tuesday land trainings i can take.

See Teck Hock expects much out of me...so i really gotta work hard at this. i have to be at least experienced within a year. i gotta push for it. for a deserving place in the canoeing team.

i have to start thinking for real. do i drop choir now im in this?

i saw this passage last night during devotions. and it really did strike a chord so i thought id just share it.

While our Bible study group gathered one night at the prison, I noticed a new person, a young man, who came into the circle and sat down. One of the men whispered to me that this was the young man's first day in prison, that he has no family here in the United States, and that he spoke little English.
It became apparent during the study that although our new friend, Nathaniel, could understand some of what we were saying, language was a real barrier. I went over to him during break as he sat slumped in his chair. I felt very limited because I did not speak his language at all. But I said to him, "Nathaniel, do you know how much Jesus loves you?" Tears began to fall as he shook his said and said, "Nobody loves Nathaniel."
The group gathered quietly around him and simply embraced him. Nathaniel said, "I want this Jesus." I will never forget the way Charles, another inmate, held Nathaniel as he cried. With the help of this loving group, Nathaniel accepted Christ. The men in the group pulled him to his feet and said "We are your family now!" We all rejoiced with Nathaniel. Barriers fell as we witnessed God's transforming love.

"We love because [God] first loved us" - 1 John 4:19

All for love, a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love, the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of glory, King of all

Oh, how many times have I broken Your heart
Still You forgive if only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

All for love, a Savior prayed
Abba Father, have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the cross draw man to You
To You

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

All for Love
Hillsong
Look to You

i put this song up here before. woah. guess this means i really am running out of things to feature.

anywayyy.
this songs impacted me many times before. the first time i heard it was during my first worship practice with Nat singing it. i really felt something real when it was played.

How great is His love.

2008-02-19T04:39:00.000-08:00

week 8. from here you can almost see the light.

crammed for bio last night. i read Shauns notes at first and i nearly broke down. then i read the textbook and then the notes again and things seemed more reasonable. the test itself wasnt that bad.

i still screwed it up though.

studied for IHS test during history. took test.

found out that virtually everyone wrote more than me.

skipped choir and followed Joseph to canoeing with Lawrence and Andrew from their class.
so canoeing is pretty cool. the first part was like sprints. and i just found out im pretty good at sprints. pretty very good. then it was gym. dang it i love the school gym. small and cushy and nice.

did paddling after that. i got alot to learn...but its so cool that im considered a senior =)

anyway...i think ive found my new CCA. whoopee.

hmmm. song song song song song.

Before this world starts up again
It's me and night
We wait for the sun
The kids and drunks head back inside

Well there's lots of smart ideas in books I've never read
When the girls come talk to me I wish to hell I had

Get up! Get up!
Turn the ignition
Get up! Get up!
Fire up the system
Play my little part in something big

Back when I was younger,I was someone you'd have liked
Got an old guitar I’ve had for years I’d let you buy
And I'll tell you something else that you ain't died enough to know
There's still some living left when your prime comes and goes

Get up! Get up!
Dance on the ceiling?
Get up! Get up!
Boy, you must be dreaming
Rock on young saviour
Just don’t get up your hopes

I'll accept with poise, with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And they'll say: “all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice”
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And they'll say: “Lord, give me the chance to shake that hand!”

I have one last wish
And it's from my heart
Just let me down
Just let me down easy

I'll accept with poise, with grace
When they draw my name from the lottery
And they'll say: “all the salt in the world couldn't melt that ice”
I'm the one who gets away
I'm a New Jersey success story
And they'll say: “Lord, give me the chance to shake his hand!”

They'll say…

Big Casino
Jimmy Eat World
Chase This Light

they never disappoint.

sorry dad.

2008-02-14T04:51:00.000-08:00

happy valentines day.

I want to run, I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside
I want to reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust-cloud disappear without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building and burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

The city's a flood and our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind, trampled in dust
I'll show you a place high on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building and burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

Our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Ohh you see love
See our love turn to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind

Ohh when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

Where the Streets Have No Name
U2
The Joshua Tree

yeahh the words of Bono. again.

"Where the Streets Have No Name is more like the U2 of old than any of the other songs on the LP, because it’s a sketch - I was just trying to sketch a location, maybe a spiritual location, maybe a romantic location. I was trying to sketch a feeling. I often feel very claustrophobic in a city, a feeling of wanting to break out of that city and a feeling of wanting to go somewhere where the values of the city and the values of our society don’t hold you down. An interesting story that someone told me once is that in Belfast, by what street someone lives on you can tell not only their religion but tell how much money they’re making - literally by which side of the road they live on, because the further up the hill the more expensive the houses become. You can almost tell what the people are earning by the name of the street they live on and what side of that street they live on. That said something to me, and so I started writing about a place where the streets have no name."

enough with the separation.

show those you care about today how much they mean to you.

2008-02-12T03:59:00.001-08:00

i would deprive myself of allowance for six months just to see U2 live.
i would flunk a year just to see U2 live.
i would rot in prison for a month just to see U2 live.
i would run a hundred miles just to see U2 live.
i would go back to Shanghai wearing only 1 shirt again just to see U2 live.
i would follow them around the world as a roadie just to see U2 live.
i would walk to KL with only lots of cup noodles just to see U2 live.
i would read through and resend all the chainmails in my inbox just to see U2 live
i would track them across europe for 6 months just to see U2 live.
i would purchase their entire discography just to see U2 live.

i would actually study this year just to see U2 live.

yeahhh you get the idea.

when will they come?????

2008-02-11T01:49:00.000-08:00

week 7. 4 more weeks until 1/4th of this years over!!

yeahh its a long shot. but i gotta look forward to something.

CNY was pretty okayy.

cut out of school before the concert with Lawrence on tuesday. met Joseph at KAP and went to MGS. seriously Lawrence does the most pointless things. although they do turn out fun =)

went back to Josephs house after that. Lawrence got grounded =(. slept over, left at 3 the next day to go for reunion dinner. now reunion dinners just like a dinner...with minimal conversation or interaction.

went to Josephs house again on friday. went to some friend of his parents house. which was like the biggest house ive ever been in. my whole house couldve squeezed into the living room. and the living room was like a minor portion of the whole thing. there was a whole huge room with a horse-hair rug and a piano and a basement that opened into this home theater. which was so cool.

ate prata there.

went to his grandfathers house at night and ate prata again. discovered mushroom prata. ive been like living in darkness before.

played basketball with his cousins and this random dude who turned up. he was pretty good. and real tall.

went to his cousins house the next day for more basketball and went home.

i wonder what screwed is in chinese. maybe itll be in the close passage tomorrow.

the guitar in this songs just exhilarating.

I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there
To hear the things you haven’t said
And see what you might see
I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape and walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a new born baby’s head

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve seen enough, I’m not giving up
On a miracle drug

Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit

I am you and you are mine
Love makes nonsense of space,
and time will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side
Love

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle,
a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight

Beneath the noise
Below the din
I hear your voice
It’s whispering
In science and in medicine
I was a stranger, You took me in”

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle
Miracle drug

Miracle
Miracle drug

Miracle Drug
U2
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

yeahh U2 again. heh heh.

theres a pretty cool story behind it...told by Bono.

"(the band) all went to the same school and just as we were leaving, a fellow called Christopher Nolan arrived. He had been deprived of oxygen for two hours when he was born, so he was paraplegic. But his mother believed he could understand what was going on and used to teach him at home. Eventually, they discovered a drug that allowed him to move one muscle in his neck. So they attached this unicorn device to his forehead and he learned to type. And out of him came all these poems that he'd been storing up in his head. Then he put out a collection called Dam-Burst of Dreams, which won a load of awards and he went off to university and became a genius. All because of a mother's love and a medical breakthrough."

2008-02-03T01:48:00.000-08:00

went to Evans house and back yesterday in less than 5 hours. pretty surreal.

i really didnt plan to be up here again so soon after the Switchfoot post...but im here anyway.

yeahhh. i feel dejected.

when things seem to be going fine for someone in life you never imagine what they really could be feeling. ive just been trying to be strong for myself. but the reality is that things arent any better than they used to be.

i guess everyone needs someone.

things dont just change overnight, it seems.

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
And it's still raining

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on?
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

Praise You in This Storm
Casting Crowns
Lifesong

an album worth listening to not just cus of the music. its what being a Christian really is about.

2008-02-01T04:30:00.000-08:00

i love you weekend oh yes i do.

its been an eventful week...weird how it passed so fast.

talked to leveldirector to try to change to Josephs class...but i wasnt allowed to =(

dang it i missed the opportunity i had to transfer over last year. and now i cant. im really gonna miss you Joseph. and Lawrence and Jeremy and all the other friends i have there.

JKohs my last hope. but its really unlikely itll pull through.

went to SWITCHFOOT LIVE last night!!

so awesome.

the opening bands werent bad either. The Fire Fight had a really nice edge to it. but West Grand Boulevard really caught my attention. such energy and showmanship...especially from Bryan.

if they release an album imma get it. heck ill pay for it!!

anyway.

honestly i never really paid much attention to Switchfoot. yeahh they were one of the first bands i loved...long long long time ago. but i really saw how great they were last night. an amazing live band with great instrumentalists and a spectacular vocalist with real charisma.

they really stood for something last night. something real.

this song really hit home yesterday at the concert.

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistence
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?

Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
To lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to moveI
dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

Dare You to Move
Switchfoot
The Beautiful Letdown

they played this song last...and it was a really beautiful ending to a great night.

God just spoke through that last chorus...and i couldnt help but cry.

it was all so wonderful.

2008-01-27T01:26:00.000-08:00

end of week 4. exams start next week. whoa mama.

im still gonna try to transfer class...i really dont think i can last in this community much longer. ill miss you guys...Nick, Ryan, Ben. and uhh...Sien. even after the Usher thing.

but i just have to move somewhere else. an atmosphere that knows me calls for me. i knew that for sure yesterday.

went for the IB scholarship test yesterday. pretty okayy...just that 6th part kinda knocked me over. well...whether i get it or not is not im my control but Gods.

went for lunch with Joseph Jeremy Justin and Azriel, then took a bus from KAP to home then to gym with Joseph. i thrash him at tricep extensions. hahahar.

followed Joseph home. covered hockey sticks with black and silver tape. got dribbling tips from Barnabas. he really is good. went to Matthews house with them for dinner. went to hit down coconuts and threw them around.

i guess i kinda realised over the past month that my friends are a huge part of who i am. making new friends is always great...but growing apart from your old ones really threatens to change who you are. especially if theyve been really close.

i really need to be in .14

so this is a break from the U2 streak i was on.

I started up my hollow
Piece of wood to follow
A day that doesn't come to the lucky
And I realize there's tomorrow
But I would rather wallow
In the rain than moods that seem so potlucky

Well I'm cruisin' El Paseo
In my off-white coupe back '65
Oh I'm cruisin' down my own street
And my hoopty says to me
"You better hang on to your benchseat
I'm gonna take you for a ride."

So wait for fate to find me
A ball of string unwind me
Uncomfortable as a centerfold
And I realize you're behind me
To help and humankind me
To see my songs can be retold

Well, I'll be gone tomorrow
Yes, I'm on the road tomorrow
So, next time that I see you in school
It won't be for too long

And I'll let you know
When it comes
When it comes
I'll let you know
But don't stay up for me
Don't wait up for me
If I'm not home, yeah

And I want a leather jacket
But only if I have the time
Well I'll comb my hair like Elvis
And grab an Old Crash '59
And you'd hardly recognize me if you saw me from behind

And I'll let you know
When it comes
When it comes
I'll let you know
And I'll let you know, yeah
When it comes, just
When it comes
I'll let you know
But don't stay up for me
Don't wait up for me
If I'm not home, yeah

I'll let you know

When It Comes
Tyler Hilton
The Tracks of Tyler Hilton

nice song nice groove. and this depth that really isnt natural for a pop-based song.

2008-01-21T05:48:00.000-08:00

term 1 week 4.

schools been hittin for nearly a month now. lessons are coming...homework is piling.

and so it begins. again.

it just seems kinda bizzare that the exams ended less than 4 months ago and we were just celebrating our freedom. our liberty. the exhilarating thrill of knowing that if, for the next few months, you are academically unproductive, it is entirely acceptable.

and now we gotta study again. sigh.

just hammered out a history essay. i think im about to fail it. sigh

oh well. always look up.

The heart is a bloom
shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
no space to rent in this town
You're out of luck
and the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
and you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend
to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
in return for grace

It's a beautiful day
The sky falls and you feel like
It's a beautiful day

You're on the road
but you've got no destination
You're in the mud
in the maze of her imagination
You love this town
even if it doesn't ring true
You've been all over
and it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
take me to that other place
You can teach me, Lord
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light, and
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

You can touch me, touch me
take me to that other place
You can teach me, Lord
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
You don't need it now
don't need it now

Beautiful day

Beautiful God!

Beautiful Day [Live]
U2
U2 Go Home: Live from Slane Castle

usually live stuff doesnt come up here...but this versions a little different. theres praise where praise is due. praise to God.

its the one song that every band or singer wishes theyd written. its lovely singing, still.

and yeahh...im still way hung up on U2.

like i did before. taking chances.

2008-01-19T04:19:00.000-08:00

im HOME!!!

yeahhh. china was pretty tough. i cant believe i didnt like it when Lawrence told me the temperature had risen. im never gonna like cold countries again.

got there at 10+ on saturday morning. there was a flight delay and all so i spent 4 hours with Kenneth Westcott and the pyramid + 1. felt pretty good to get back with my old class.

i really miss them.

flew of to shanghai at 5.30. couldnt sleep on the stupid plane so i listened to the 3 albums i brought over and over again. thank goodness they were good ones. arrived and felt the cold. it wasnt all that bad at first cus it was only like 7degrees. it was kinda nice actually. especially seeing your breath condense into steam when you breathe or speak.

ate lunch and stuff. kinda liked china food then. i sure dont now.

went to see some show about the song dynasty then went for dinner at this funky place. checked into the hotel after that. i kinda liked the first hotel. it had a nice bathtub.

tried doing situps in the bathtub. stupid idea.

went to some tomb the next day wearing only 2 layers of clothes. and it was dead cold so i was dying until Moghan lent me his sweater. hes a great teacher.

busted my elbow there falling off the side of a staircase cus Patrick shoved me off. still hasnt healed. hope it isnt a fracture or anything.

spent the next few days or so touring around and seeing stuff that i really cant remember. began liking the food a little less.

fell sick on Kwok Wais birthday. forgot which day that is. started puking and stuff in the morning and got a super high fever. felt like fainting during the silk factory tour so Dennis Sim brought me to the room of the manager of the restaurant we were supposed to have lunch in so i could sleep. the manager came in and the tour guide and some other chinese people and they started talking really loud about how sick i was and how i needed peace so i could rest.

pretty ironic now i think of it. i didnt really have the consciousness to then.

brought to the hospital and was put on a IV drip. apparently they stick you with a needle for 3 hours when you get a fever there. felt a little better afterwards so Dennis Sim brought me back. hes a really good teacher.

dang it i shouldve taken chem.

started liking china a little less after that. spent the next few days touring around. 2 unfortunate incidents with Ben. i have to say i see him in a different light now.

got home last night. swore id never hate singapore again.

i guess the trip did help in class bonding and all. i did get to know Ryan Goh and Nick Ong alot better...and the rest of the class a little more. although there are a few aspects of the social behavior of my class that i dont wholeheartedly approve of and wouldnt participate it...i wouldnt condemn them like i would have when id met them. God sent me a message last night in the form of a devotional passage...and i guess now i dont have an excuse not to try to get along with them.

maybe friends are who you never thought could be. and who you thought was your friend might not be all they seem.

so i brought nothing back from the trip besides a pair of converses, a busted elbow and tonsilitis. which means i cant do much with my left arm or my voice for awhile. dang it.

this songs been put up here before...but in a different, more bitter light. it used to be an anthem of hate. i listened to it alot during the trip...but i dont wanna say its dedicated to it cus it isnt. its meant so much more to me before that. and maybe i finally see it now as what Bono meant it to be but its always been an anthem. just now its in a different colour.

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She got me with nothing to win
And nothing else to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

We'll shine like stars in the summer night
We'll shine like stars in the winter light
one heart, one hope, one love

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

With or Without You
U2
The Joshua Tree

the last verse there isnt in the studio recording featured. neither was it in the last time i put up these lyrics.

the words of this song kinda represent my initial understanding of the song...and dyed gloomy purple last time they really spoke a message of detest. but that one verse that Bono sang only live on certain occasions showed what he truly knew of the song. it was the reason why he cried out after the second chorus. the reason why he pulled people from the audience and hugged and kissed them onstage. the reason why millions of people across the world were touched by this song.

this song is an anthem. an anthem of love.

2008-01-08T05:53:00.000-08:00

im feelin a little dark today. must be the rain.

so holday today thanks to the ex-year 6s =) thanks much for the break...i really needed it. and congratulations to all of you who earned the diploma. and to Clement who got the 45 points!! wowwee. hope your futures gonna be bright.

tried out maths today. i really suck at maths. and i guess it doesnt help that i didnt manage to even get to draw a quadratic graph last year. and this year theyre talking about solving simultaneous equations with it. bugger.

assignments are beginning to pile up. dang it Theodore was right...its gonna be a hard year.

been feeling like a jerk lately. i guess in the stress of finding yourself you sometimes lose what you already have. so im sorry if i have been one. its just been hard. things change. people change. people come...and people go. and expectations of yourself from yourself and others are altered. and to adapt sometimes you sacrifice a part of yourself that you didnt think you needed.

when it might have been that aspect of your character that kept you afloat before.

so its really all just confusing now. im around people i really dont know. i dont wanna change.

someone slap me if i do.

She said I feel stranded
And I can't tell anymore
If we coming or I'm going
It's not how I planed it
I've got the key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
I don't, I don't, I don't
It goes I never went before
But this time, this time
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better

She said I need you to hold me
I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one who knows me
And who doesn't ignore
That my soul is weeping

I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
Everything must have it seasons
Round and round it goes
And every day's a one before
But this time, this time
I'm gonna try anything to just feels better

Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better
And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

I'm tired of holding on
To all things I ought to leave behind
It's really getting nowhere
I think I need a little help this time

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better

Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything ta just feel better
And I can't find my way
Girl I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better

Just Feel Better
Santana (ft. Steven Tyler)
All That I Am

awesome song i heard on the way back to singapore from KL. now i look at it it feels so different. even if it was just less than 2 weeks ago.

ohhh and i need a workout buddy. anyone living near me or can go to tampines gym regularly...?

2008-01-06T06:27:00.000-08:00

week one of 2008.

and whoa man its tiring.

spent the first few school days PSLing the class of 1.12. its potentially a fun class. 2/3 full of idiots and 1/3 full of pretty cool guys. and my group had most of them. heh heh. sorry Joshua.

anyway even after all this i have a few more lessons with them. good i guess...cus i really dont mind some of them there. but the 26 of them have exhausted me just by making me follow them.

great. first week of school and im beat. and this is without the work or the lessons.

went to the downtown east chalet with Darius and the Lams after church today. went on every ride in Escape!! yeahhhh...i feel so accomplished. Daniel ditched me on the viking ship at the last minute then got me to sit on the inverter with him. that rides pretty darn freaky when you see it but when youre on it it isnt so bad. except for that bit where youre upside down in midair. har. i sprayed him good later for abandoning me on my first freaky ride.

came back and tried to do my maths. i am soooo dead this year.

You know you're gonna live through the rain
Lord, you gotta Keep the Faith!!

2008-01-01T04:12:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

yeahh...its always ironic and pretty hypocritical when someone says that cus they know that deep inside theyre dreading all that this year might bring. including the beginning of the educational year once again.

but yeahh...a new years not all that scary.

so i have a few resolutions...and imma keep them this year. hopefully

1) to put God first. hah im already starting to do that.
2) to be a friend to my friends
3) to be a friend to others
4) to grow my hair back
5) to try to be a good son and brother
6) to work out more. much much more. abs of steel here i come.
7) to continue vocal training on this new voice
8) to take a risk like i did 2 years ago at november.
9) to go back to NPCCsea. =S
10) to stop swearing
11) to try to keep up with the work this year.
12) to thank God for all that He brings my way.

anyway, so as to start fulfilling my last resolution...this post isnt so much for '08 as it is for the year past.

i never really took time to look back on the year before...maybe i really didnt have the time to since it went by so fast. but now that i do all the blessings that ive received over the last 365 days really become evident. all in God's grace.

and i guess thanks are in order...so here they are.

to the class of 2.7...for being the best class ive ever been lucky enough to be in. to each one who made the experience so special!!

to the community of BMC...for being my brothers and sisters in Christ. and to my friends there...new and old. thanks for always being there for me when i just needed someone to talk to. God be with each and every one of you in this new year =)

to the ACSi choir. for singing His praises and not being silent. haha. to my seniors and my friends...both of whom have taught me much in vocal techniques as well as in life lessons.

to my family. who have been...turbulent. but is my family all the same.

to the NPCCsea corps of ACSi...thanks for being so...lenient. i swear ill come back this year.

and lastly...to my Heavenly Father, for seeing me through another year in His loving care.

so heres to you 2007.

I search for You, God of strength
I bow to You, my brokenness
And no other King could ever so humbly come
To save my soul and heal my heart

I pray to You, God of peace
I rest in You, my cares released

I have nothing more
Than all You offer me
There is nothing else
That's of worth to me

I love You, Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You're all I need

In Your freedom I will live
In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion
I offer devotion

I love You, Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You're all I need

I love You, Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You're all I need

In Your Freedom
Hillsong
Saviour King

yeahhh...i was gonna put up Fall Out Boy's Thriller...but somehow it seemed like i should put this instead.

truly its in His freedom that we live.

but anyway...a reminder, i guess...for me to just keep living each day with Him. and though the title song of this blog wasnt written with that intention in mind...it does suit this situation now.

Whoaaa
We're halfway there
Whoaa-oh
Livin' on a Prayer!!

God bless =)

2007-12-30T04:20:00.000-08:00

im back!!

so my trip to KL was kinda uneventful. and yet somehow hours in a room reading enid blyton books isnt as painful as it seems. i guess it was good just to get away from everything for awhile and spend some days with myself to clear my head.

and get into 2 over18 gyms free. heh heh.

anyway id better start appreciating my short hiatuses to malaysia more...cus the next time i go there 2 lives might not be there anymore. one being my greatgrandma and the other my aunts dog.

church today was pretty cool. worship still retains that special presence...thank God. pastorJoel gives really good sermons. exchanged presents. thanks you guys for the gifts and the cards...i really have to count myself fortunate to have friends like you =)

went to Evans house with Darius and Daniel after church. looks really nice now theres furniture.

so now a song. an awesome song by a spectacular band with sensational instrumentalist...and an incredible singer with an incredible vision. to change the world and to rid it of the turmoil and utrest it suffers today. to change it in God's name.

Bono: "there has been alot of talk about this next song...this song is not a rebel song. this song is..."

I can't believe the news today
Oh, I can't close my eyes and make it go away
How long
How long must we sing this song?
How long
How long?

Cus tonight
We can be as one
Tonight

Broken bottles under children's feet
Bodies strewn across the dead end street
But I won't heed the battle call
It puts my back up
Puts my back up against the wall

Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday

And the battle's just begun
There's many lost, but tell me who has won?
The trench is dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart

Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday

How long
How long must we sing this song?
How long
How long?

Cus tonight
We can be as one
Tonight
Tonight

Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday

Wipe the tears from your eyes
Wipe your tears away
Oh, wipe your tears away
I wipe your tears away
Sunday, bloody Sunday
I wipe your blood shot eyes
Sunday, bloody Sunday

Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday

And it's true we are immune
When fact is fiction and TV reality
And today the millions cry
(Sunday, bloody Sunday)
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die
(Sunday, bloody Sunday)
The real battle just begun
(Sunday, bloody Sunday)
To claim the victory Jesus won
(Sunday, bloody Sunday)

On
Sunday, bloody Sunday
Sunday, bloody Sunday

Sunday Bloody Sunday
U2
War

one day im gonna do this song. and its gonna be GOOD.

The real battle just begun
To claim the victory Jesus won

2007-12-25T02:18:00.000-08:00

internet!!

last week of the holidays. so tragic. it really seems like theyve just begun...and that ive just started getting used to the fact that i dont have to drag myself out from between a blanket and my bed at 6am. or that i wont be in serious trouble next weekday.

anyway yeahh camp was amazing. its always refreshing just to spend some time to recommit yourseld into God's hands and spend a few days simply being in His presense again. even if that time spent is in a hut being bitten by ants. i never appreciated those baygon adverts until the first night of that camp.

but more than just learning about Him is actually having God reassure me that Hes still there. something a friend said made me realise that trusting in Him is really all we can do; for on our own we could never hope to resist temptation. He is all we have.

and now a song. well not really cus my iPods dead and im using my bros com. so just the lyrics.

...or a little of the lyrics anyway.

I love You, Lord
You've rescued me
You are all that I want
You're all I need

In Your freedom I will live
In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion
I offer devotion

that song really touched me during COP night.

4 more days until i go home. wanna go buy that 109RM shirt that says 'lucky fcuk'

ohh. yeahh merry CHRISTmas too.

or not

2007-12-12T01:12:00.000-08:00

whoa...i cant believe its already nearly 3/4 through the holidays. its like just some time ago i was saying goodbye to 2.7.

im not realy for 3.15 yet!! though Ben and Joelyap are there...some consolation=)

went for worship practice last thursday with Ivee. Zachary came back from his mission trip with gross stories about cross-dressing. and they stayed in a hotel. whoa.

kinda missed Cebu when i heard him talk about that. i guess the best days ive had this year were mostly spent there. really hope i can go back one day.

sat at home today and just suddenly decided it was time to go with the hair. i really dont mind being shaved...except that my ears stick out. and my dad likes it.

so its camp tomorrow, then back for 2 days and then malaysia until next year. sighh. better enjoy the last few days of liberty.

heres Aerosmith. with an alltime classic from the Armageddon sountrack.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment
forever
Well, every moment spent with you Is a moment I treasure

Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you In this moment forever
forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cus I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cus even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you, right here with you
Just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
Cus I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing
Aerosmith
Nine Lives

the godfathers of hard rock. and im totally into that right now. retro glam metal. the energy of those bands just blow your mind.

thanks Junyi for the Bon Jovi tshirt!! and Grace for the MCR one!!

next imma get the Bono saved my life tee.

2007-11-28T01:06:00.000-08:00

okayyyy. im here cus ive got nothing better to do and the weather just makes me feel like blogging mid-workout.

went out with Joseph Barnabas Chris JKoh and Taisan yesterday to watch Enchanted. it was pretty interesting i have to say...the disney dudes still have some nice ideas left. wasted money at the arcade...then walked around. went back to Josephs house with Barnabas and Chris and ended up staying over. sat in the attic and talked for one piece for like an hour plus telling them the storyline. Chris went home later. hes a really cool guy...nice too.

im so sad.

woke up at 7 with Joseph and talked about stuff until 10. breakfast, marvelalliance, then home.

went to the dentist. before i left my dad went nuts on me cus i didnt wanna bring an unbrella. stupid.

in one month plus i shall have my braces off!!! the ordeals nearly over. no more pokey things inside my mouth!! no more not being able to eat fruits!! no more spending 5 minutes a day brushing my teeth!!

lifes good.

okayyy i rarely do this...but please listen to todays song!!! even though its 6 minutes plus. its got a really nice feel. and a really nice message.

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

Surrender
Dislocate

If I could throw this lifeless life-line to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night, and through the rain
Into the half light and through the flame

If I could, through myself, set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
and to the day

To let it go
and so to fade away
To let it go
and so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping

If you should ask, then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colours fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag
Colours crash, collide in blood-shot eyes

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

This desperation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation

Let it go
and so to fade away
To let it go
and so to fade away
To let it go
and so to fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping

Bad
U2
The Unforgettable Fire

ive got no idea why its called Bad...maybe its like describing Bono in the song before his supposed change.

U2 performed this song in Live 8...or Aid...i forget which one. it was one of those legendary performances where it gets remembered as a great moment in musical history.

anyway during the performance in the bridge Bono starts pointing and waving to the crowd...and leaps down from the stage and hugs this girl thats infront of the crowd. or thats what you see anyway. according to U2s biography he notices the girls getting crushed by the sheer weight of the crowd pressing forward against the boundaries cus theyre so hyped by the song,

now thats a performance to die for. heh heh.

2007-11-25T02:28:00.000-08:00

week 4...or 5...of holidays. and a month of activity comes to an end.

...or so it seemed. but it was not to be.

JVBC was pretty fun. the whole experience of just taking care of someone else besides myself was pretty liberating. it kinda gives you a whole new perspective to people in general...and how things you could conceive to be so complicated as one with a mature mindset may be so much simpler though the eyes of a child.

which kinda leaves you to wonder why a mature mindset is named as such, since its self-proclaimed superiority does little more than unnecessarily intricate the unintricate.

okayyy that was random.

anyway yeahhh it was cool. i had nice kids...or so it seemed. kids are cute as a method of self-defense...defense against the urge people might develop to get mad at them when they dont listen to you. you just cant shout at a cute kid. and most kids are cute. yeahhh.

Gracia. the cutest girl ive even seen. seriously.

it was tiring and all...but definately really rewarding. kids going around holding your hand and making friends with you and each other. and them hugging you and crying when its time to leave. its really heartwarming.

but its kitchen for me next year

went for choir dinner on saturday after camp ended. nice place in suntec with open roof and all. did You Raise Me Up and Raindropskeepfallingonmyhead. failure. heh heh. but it was cool. and then Reno and i went mad with the tobasco.

it wasnt as heartbreaking as i wouldve anticipated to see my seniors leave...but it was definately sad when i realised id never see some of them again. all in all theyve been great leaders...and role models. both in vocal methods and character.

to all you guys...a big thank you for all that youve done for the choir!!!

went today with Evan and Darius and Daniel and aunty Mabel to get bass guitar stuff. walked into a shop where Dream Theater were God. Evan bought his bass effects pedal...pretty cool stuff. walked lots more into lots more shops until we arrived somewhere near the national library where Darius bought his bass and stuff. took really long so Evan and i sat around. then i found the Neil Zaza cd and told Jeremy. then Junyi came and got it. so cute. haha.

went for macs after that and then went back to Darius' house to try the effects pedal. sweet. and we discovered Evans like a closet pro. he plays DT after a month of learning off youtube. how cool is that.

i took 2 years just to learn head voice. sighhh.

going with Joseph and JKoh tomorrow to watch a movie. whichever one. but im dead broke :S

and i feel really torn. and mean. guide me, Lord.

or forgive me.